Spring is here, what will I plant in my garden this year?

Springtime is a time of re-birth and new beginnings. Nature is blooming and life awakes after the rest of winter. I begin to think about all the fresh vegetables, fruit, flowers we would plant when I was a child knowing that come summer we would enjoy the harvest.

In thinking about all the goodness I realized when I would plant corn I knew I would have corn. Then I begin to think I didn’t plant beans expecting them to grow into corn. That is just silly. Yet often I find that I plant resentment in my lift and expect LOVE to grow.

In this time of re-birth I am reminded that in order to have love around me I need to plant love now. I need to care for it, tend it, and weed it of anything unlike love in order to harvest love. I remember that tending my garden takes time; however the blessing that come out of it are amazingly good.

Today I want to give thanks for my family, and for growing up in the country of South GA. Out of that I have learned that which I plant today, I will harvest.

Today I plant Love, Understanding, Grace, Peace, Joy, Friendship, and Forgiveness. What are you planting this year?

I love you
Allen

The Lord is my strength and my salvation tell me whom shall I fear?

Fear, is the force that leads me to worry, or be at dis ease with what is going on. I have heard that fear is false evidence appearing real.

In listening to a song that has become one of my favorites “The Lord is my strength and my salvation tell me, whom shall I fear?” I began to think about all my friends, and the wonderful things each of them is teaching me. I give thanks today for all of my friends, and the spiritual paths that they are on each one with their own spin on things. The beauty is that I understand today that God is large enough for all of us to have our own journey, and no one get to choose what is right for me expect me. The walk that I am on is so amazing when I quiet myself for a moment, and look at all the love I have around me. Each person in my life is teaching, or has taught me some lesson. In the last month I have watch friends work out things that I didn’t know how they would. I didn’t doubt their strength or desire; it’s I don’t like to see anyone that I love hurt.


I think about God in my life, and how much God loves me. Just as I don’t want to see my friends hurt I feel sure God doesn’t like to see me live in fear. I look back on what I have been afraid of over the last year, and realize when I surrender it all works out. I think fear for me is more about change, or letting go. Being out of control. Funny how the one thing I have control over (my emotions) I allowed fear to be the emotion I chose. The good news for me that in growth comes knowledge. The joy that today I don’t have to live in fear when it arises. Today I know that fear is an emotion a warring bell to let me know that I am thinking some thought that is not serving my well being. At that moment I have a choice to stay on that path, or change my thought process. Does that mean that the situation has changed? Over the last two years I can honestly say not in that moment; however with the change of my thoughts caused a change in emotion. With my change in emotion comes a feeling of well being.

Having spent most of my life living in fear of what if? Today I choose to know that God is my strength and my salvation. Fear is a choice; love and well being are choices as well. Which one serves me better personally? That is where I get to control the situation. I get to choose where I spend my time.

I love you
Allen

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin in me.

I was reading a meditation the other day and it really blessed me.
“In order for peace to be possible in the world, peace must be possible first within me”.

I chose to think about that for a couple days. Am I at peace with my family, my friends, and myself? I realized that when I got the cancer call that it was a wake up call. Mortality if you would. I found that I spent a great deal of my time not really thinking about transition. When I speak of cancer today I speak of the fact that it has been the best 2 years of my life. Why? It has helped me to stay current, up to date on my affairs. I have realized that cancer was the diagnosis, the reality was I was allowing my life to eat me alive with conflict or (dis-ease).

I am so thankful today that I had the opportunity to look at what is important. Loving myself, which in turn ripples out to the world. It is my goal in life to be an expression of Love. I think Peace works much the same way. While getting my affairs in order I realized I had to clear a path, and clean up the past. Forgiveness is such a beautiful gift to give. It is one of those one size fits all type of gifts. I had felt that gentle tug at my heart for sometime to let it go. I kept waiting for someone else to make the first move. All the while it was moving in my body. Eating away at my life.

I choose peace and love today. I know that in order for it to be present out side of me that it has to be present within me. After reading the meditation I mentioned earlier it started me thinking about the war in Iraq. I begin to think, what can I do to shift the war? Peace. That is when the song came to me. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin in me.


I love you
Allen

Where do I spend my time?

Good Morning Family;

I have had the pleasure of watching God in action for some time now. This last month has been one of those times. I had given my health care situation over to God during one of exercises on allowing God to do God’s work while I did mine. I had the opportunity this last week to really allow that to be.

I had received notice that I owed $3000.00 for last years medical insurance. I had heard all kinds of stories, from so many people. Each time I would just look to God and say this is your business, I am going to watch you work. I asked some questions of the people who had sent me this information and I received an answer yesterday. All I owe is a third of the money. All the past errors of folks handling this will be washed away and I would be current and up to date. That is a true thanks giving in my book.

I really want to talk about where I have been living. I received an email from my friend Major Deb today talking about her new address. (Thank you Deb) Each day I wake up I get to choose where I am going to live today. What I am going to say to folks who cross my path. I get to choose weather I am going to do my work, or try and do God’s. By that I mean do I choose to be the LOVE of God, or am I trying to be God? I have noticed over time that I liked to fix things. In doing that I wasn’t allowing God to show up in my life or the lives of others because I was playing God.

I know today that I am responsible for my happiness, and loving others where they are. The rest is up to God. I can hold your hand, I can listen, but the best witness I can be is to be happy. I have the honor of people asking me about my journey since choosing to be happy. This is really new. I have been in recover for over 19 years and one of the things they suggest is that you look for someone who has what you want and ask them how they got there.

I want you to understand that I am growth in progress; I know today that life shows up. When it does I get to choose. There are times when I live in an old pattern of behavior, and I find myself hurting, or at DIS EASE. When I listen to that quiet voice within, I know I can move to a new address anytime I choose. It really is up to me. Today I know the rest is up to God.

Thank you for being the face of God I get to see each day.
I love you
Allen

A Giift to Myself

Good Morning Family;

I have started some morning practices that I want to share with you. Each morning when I first wake up I say Good Morning God, and welcome to my day. I then find my way out of bed to my office,where I spend time reading the daily devotional from my church in Oakland.I then take time to write in my gratitude journal something I am grateful for. Then I quiet my mind and meditate allowing God to speak to me. I have found that often I would pray to God,then busy myself with my day's activities, and wonder why I didn't get a response? After my meditation I receive a phone call from my prayer partner who says a prayer for me, and I say one for her. It reminds me that I am surrounded by love, and connected to everyone and everything. ALWAYS!!!!

After this I go down and start my daily walk to build my strength, and today it hit me. This is the gift I give myself each day. When I lived in CA I would wake up each morning and 4:30 AM and go to the gym. I would say to everyone I knew I want to start the day with me, and if something falls off at the end of the day it will be something other than myself. I realize today I had a hint of my awareness that I have today. I cannot share anything that I don't have. I cannot give peace, if I don't have it with in me. I cannot give Love if I don't have it with in me.

I was walking this morning and I realized this is a gift I am giving myself each day. I am choosing to LOVE me. I then realized that my body is a vessel and I get to choose what it holds. So many times in my life I have chosen to hold pain, anger, fear the list can go on. Today I know that I can choose at any time what I focus on, and in doing that I am attracting more of the same. It sounds so very simple, yet it took me 45 years to learn this easy lesson.

I began to think, in each moment if I were treating my loves ones the way I am treating myself right now would they feel loved? Would they want to be in my presence? Would they want a relationship with me? I am so full of gratitude today, for I know at this moment that no matter what live shows me I have the choice in what I see. I have the choice in what I say, do, and think.

Leaning to love myself is allowing me to love another.

I love you
Allen

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

I was reading my daily devotional today, which was about forgiveness. It stated that 94% of Americans identify forgiveness as one of their central values. Yet only 48% say they have ever had a forgiving experience. That started me thinking.

Over this past year dealing with the cancers in my life, I really ask myself what is eating me? I can make this about cancer or I can look at where in my life I allow things to eat at me. What injustice was I holding onto so much that I was unwilling to let go of it? I took the time to look at my life and see those relationship that had energy around them and ask myself is this worth holding onto, or am I willing to let this go? I begin to see a pattern in my life of holding on to past hurts and taking it so personally. One of the many books I have been lead to read this year states "don't take it personally" it's not about me. So often I would take on the energy of some one else's stuff. How is that serving me? I realized that I was allowing it to eat me alive. I will state again that this is my personal journey.

Having discovered my pattern I begin a forgiveness campaign. This was for me, and about me. I wanted my life to be clean and clear of resentments, hurt, pain, and even hate. I know today that there is a season for all emotions, I found myself choosing to stand in one place with some of the things in my life. Forgiveness allowed me to move on. One of my favorite saying is "with one foot in the past, and one in the future I am totally missing the PRESENT."

I also discovered it was all about fear. Fear of being hurt, taking advantage of, you fill in the blank. I no longer wanted to live my life in fear, or hatred. The choice for me was forgiveness. I began to call folks, email folks, talk with folks and tell them I didn't care what had taken place in our lives that was unimportant. I wanted them to know that I love them and that was all that mattered to me today. I felt my heart begin to breathe, and love could once again flow freely. When I talk with people about this last year with cancer, I tell everyone it has been the best year of my life. I mean that. The relationships with my family,and friends are rich and current. I didn't want to wake up, or for that matter get to heaven and say, I wish I had done this or that. I wish I had told who ever that I loved them.

Forgiveness allowed my heart the freedom to love again. My purpose in life is to LOVE. I can't do that if I am tied to the past or the future. The greatest gift I have given myself is to be happy, and forgiveness.

This time of year causes many of us to think about what is the perfect gift for who ever. Perhaps forgiveness is the answer, one size fits all, and it is always the perfect fit.

I Love You
Allen

I am the Light

Good Morning Family

My Dominate Intent today is to LOVE.

I have been sending emails, letters, and cards over this past year talking about choice. Each day that I am given, I have a choice what I do with it. Am I living my purpose, am I loving with all of my heart? Am I Happy everywhere I go? I love looking at little children they are so full of LOVE. Everything to them is an expression of excitement, even anger. They do every activity with every bit of energy they have.

Today, I ask myself, do I do the same? Do I live each moment with all the fullness that life has given me? This last weekend I had the pleasure of doing a play shop about Loving. I learned a great deal about myself, and how I live my life. I am reminded of a quote credited to Nelson Mandela which states,

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I know today that I have been given a style all my own. I need to live that, and embrace it each day I am alive. I was reminded this weekend that so many others are set free to be themselves when I live at full LIGHT!!! Sometimes I would not wear an outfit, or say something because I was afraid of how it might be perceived. Or perhaps someone would say something that would hurt my feelings. Don't take it personally, it is not about me at all. I am the light, showing others the way. Within each of us is the light of God call it what you will, just live it.

Remember the best gift you can give anyone is to be Happy. The rest is up to them.

I love you
Allen