Change

Why do you think it is, we dislike change so much?

I can say for myself, it is usually fear of the unknown. I was talking with a friend the other day about relationships and how they change. When they do most often we feel pain. Why is this happening to me, what did I do to deserve this?

I am finding when I can remove my personal feelings and realize that it has nothing to do with me, I am better able to glean what is best for me. I forget this lesson from time to time and then am reminded at the next opportunity for change.

I am responsible for my happiness and no one else s. To many times in my short life I have spend more time doing what ever I could to make you happy, only to find that I was more unhappy than you. One of my favorite people told me once "Honey you can't give water out of an empty well."

How true is that. One of my favorite passages out of a book I read is the greatest gift I can give anyone is to be happy. Today I know when I do that, I give you permission to do the same.

To put it yet another way "I can't breathe for you." I love that line.

Celebrate your success today, the first one might be your took a breathe for you today. Another might be when you looked someone in the eye and said hello, I love you, or just have a nice day. Success is best measure in LOVE, not wealth.

Love today and start with yourself. Change is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Blessings
Allen

Honesty

Honesty

What does honesty really mean today? I have been thinking a great deal about how easy it is to tell someone what I think they want to hear rather than what is really in my heart. I am a true believer in speaking things as thought they are. I am also a believer in speaking what I want into being as well.
Where does that leave us with honesty?

How many times in my life has a friend talked about something in their lives and I have told them what I think they want to hear. There was a time in my life when my friends and family talked to me because they knew I would be honest and upfront with them. It didn’t mean that I was right and they were wrong it just meant that I was willing to be honest about what I was feeling as I listened to them.

I have been reading about intentional listening. I think it is of equal importance to be an intentional speaker as well. Mean what I say and say what I mean. I am reminded of something my Mom told me years ago. Honey, I can’t hear a thing you are saying, because you actions are speaking so much louder. Is that still true today?

I would rather hear from a friend who is really hurt with me, their true feelings rather than find out third hand from someone else about their true hurt. I have found myself in that situation now, not only do I have to deal with the original hurt, I have to also deal with the fact I choose not to be honest about it.

Don’t get me wrong it takes great courage to tell someone you are hurting and not go into blame. It also takes and open mind to hear that something you may have done has in someone hurt someone you love very much. It is some much easier to deal with, when honesty and love is my intention.

To each of you, I live the intention to be honest, and loving in my listening, and speaking with each of you.

I love you
Allen

How Fit am I?

How Fit am I?

This morning meditation gave birth to the thought about Spiritual Fitness. Over the last few months I have put on a few extra pounds, as I have not been as active as I once was. As I begin to give thought to becoming more active, to exercise more and get into a routine that feels better for me, I had a new thought. How do I notice when I am not in top spiritual fitness?

I begin to notice my physical fitness when my clothing is tighter than usual, or that I feel fatigued when walking up a flight of stairs. Or perhaps my doctor has told me that my blood pressure is up, or my sugar levels are higher than normal. Or perhaps I have looked in the mirror and been honest with myself. Then I asked what are the signs of needing more spiritual fitness? What are the signs that tell me that I have excess weight spiritually or mentally?

I was chatting with a friend on the computer this morning that is a morning person as well and they asked me why aren’t you meditating? I stated that I wasn’t there yet, I did my devotion readings, and exercise on abundance, then meditation, followed by my morning prayer with my prayer partner. An Ah Hah moment shall we say. I begin to realize that I had a spiritual fitness program in place.

I have to be honest I have most of my life put the focus on being physically fit, after all that is what I show to the out side world. Over the last few years I have changed my routine to going to the gym in the morning before work. My thought process was that if I started with myself that what fell off my plate at the end of the day was something other than me. Again this is my routine.

It wasn’t until cancer that I begin to think about my spiritual fitness. I begin to think of what I had in place to help me through this journey? It was at that time that I put my Spiritual exercise into place. Today I find myself seeking balance, and looking for the signs that might suggest that I need to focus on one area more.

Since starting this spiritual fitness program, I ask myself what is the first thing I think of when I wake up? What do I do when I find myself surrounded by gossip? How do I react to someone cutting me off in traffic? Am I feeling excluded, or included? What am I reading? What am I looking at on TV?

I find that the world we live in is very ready to tell us when we need to check in on physical fitness and the signs that you are not taking care of yourself physically. I am reminded of what one of my friends said I am only taking applications from folks who are taking care of themselves. I no longer have the need to fix others. Today I am seeking the balance with where I am spiritually in my fitness as well.

I love you
Allen

What would happen if I just experienced NOW?

What would happen if I just experienced NOW?

How many times have I said it doesn’t matter, knowing that I want every detail of every minute placed on my desk with a full itinerary all laid out. What would happen if I didn’t make the bed today? Would the bed fall apart? Would the fashion police come by and arrest me? Would the anxiety drive me crazy until I did it in need of order in my life?

All of this may seem like some crazy way too look at things, however I lived my life this way for over 40 years. I would say I didn’t want to know what we were going to do, and yet I would then set up to plan, organize, and full the free time with things to do, places to go and site to see. What would actually happen if I just enjoyed the now?

Have you ever had a friend give you a gift on a day when you least expected it? I would sit there with this item in front of me with excitement, joy, wonder, and the pleasure of not knowing what is it? Yet with each new day I would wake up and want God’s cliff notes on what the day held in store for me. I mean really what would happen if I just decided to wake up and be happy.

I am sitting in traffic thinking about all the things I could, would, should be doing; or could this be an invitation from God to take the next exit and explore life? Live in the now, the plan will always be there waiting for me to pick it up when I am ready. All my life I have had the plan for my life and to be honest yours as well.

I am so excited about a trip I am taking in a couple weeks with a very dear friend of mine. We chose to build in safety things like a place to stay and transportation while there. However for the first time in my life I am choosing to not over plan the trip. Over the last year when I would travel I have started a new game, what is the least amount of items I can take with me? This may not make any sense to some of you and total sense to others.

In the past I would plan a trip and any possible activity to the letter including the perfect shoes and outfit for the day. (Sometimes more than one costume change too) only to find that I didn’t wear a quarter of what I had packed, carried, worried about losing, on the entire trip. Not to mention the worry about it being stolen from the room while I was out seeing the sites. How many other times was I lugging around things in my life not enjoying this moment?

Where was the joy, the pleasure of a new adventure? I had planned it all away. On one of my last trips I took 2 pair of jeans and 5 shirts for 15-day trip to visit my family. I wore only one pair for jeans and 3 of the shirts. Somehow I had clean clothes everyday. I enjoyed the now. It was one of the best trips I have ever taken in my life. I realized on that journey that I often choose to over plan my life. I had more fun playing with my friends and family rather than worrying about did the airline lose my steamer trunk of shoes?

I love order, and I love the gift to organize that I have. I also want to enjoy the present gift that I just received from God. Today, this moment is a present, and what is it? What could it hold inside, how wonderful of God to think of me today. I think I will open it and enjoy the now.

I love you
Allen

Practice makes perfect

I was sharing at a meeting this week about relationships. Some really interesting things come up for me. I realized that I often get out of them what I am willing to invest. I also realized that often a current relationship brings with it the baggage from the past.

In looking at how I can live a clean and current life, I found that I needed to ask myself about my past relationships. Starting with my parents. Like it or not this is where I learned how to love, evaluate, view the world. Understanding that allows me today to shift my thinking if I choose too. I heard this saying once simple put “I can’t see where I am going until I look at where I have been.”

How many times in my life have I moved to fix a problem, situation? Only to find out once there the theme is repeated. Why is that? Location changed, I remained the same. A friend of mine says “anywhere you move there you are.”

How many times have I traveled the same road and expected it to somehow be different. How many times have I entered into relationships without expectation, if I am really honest with myself never? Some years ago when living in AL I started a new friendship this one was very different. In the beginning of the friendship we sat down and talked with each other about our expectations. What was I willing to invest, what did I bring to the table?

I find that when I take the time to do this I don’t have all of those questions. Where is this going? What do they want from me? What is going to happen once they really get to know me?

I also find with I don’t do this, that I spend a great deal of time thinking, where is this going? What do they want from me, rather than being current and in the present moment.

Life really is after all one big dress rehearsal.
I love you
Allen

Take time to breathe

Take time to breathe

I am starting a new practice with eating. I viewed a program this week that challenged me to look at how I eat. I find that I am often the first one to finish my food when dinning with friends. I could come up with any number of reasons for why, let’s just say I eat fast. It is like I am in a competition with the others at the table to see who can finish first. The challenge given was to eat with my eyes closed. After each mouthful I am to put my fork down. With intention and conscience of what I am eating enjoy each bit I have in my mouth. Ok time for me to be really honest here, I thought it was a bunch of hogwash.

Truth is I learned a great deal about the way I live my life from this exercise. It was like I was tasting food for the very first time. I could taste the sweetness in the bread. The lettuce was crisp and fresh, I am sitting here now and my mouth is watering thinking about all the flavors I tasted for the first time. Some of you may be thinking why would anyone blog about this? It’s simple really. How I eat is how I live my life.

I starting thinking about how many times in my life I would start a task only to think about how quickly I could finish it. How many things I could put in my day. I am very grateful for my ability to organize, multi task, and the speed with which I do things. The question I am asking myself today is, am I doing it with intention? Am I conscience or am I just going through the motions?

How many times have I been in a conversation with a friend, thinking the entire time about what I am going to say next? Better yet how many times have I been in a discussion with someone in which I am thinking of my next point that will make my way right? Is that really the game I want to play? Is it always about winning? Is it always about being right?

In my morning meditation this thought come to mind. I am so eager to try it out. When I am having a discussion with someone with whom I have a difference of opinion. I want to sit with them face to face holding hands, and then close my eyes. I want to think about my intention, and then restart the conversation. I find that when I am angry, hurt, sad, etc and I touch another person the intensity goes away. In eating with my eyes closed I am finding that I eat less, for I can hear when my body is full. I find that I am savoring the food with which I eat. I find myself excited about the different flavors, textures, and taste.

I know that time is precious, however I seem to make time for the things I want too. Am I enjoying life today or on a race to see if I can get to the finish line first?

I love you
Allen

I am never alone for God is with me!

I am never alone for God is with me.

This morning was a time for quiet reflection with God. A time where I was still and listened to the voice of God. I remember as a Child I never wanted to be alone. Folks would tell my mother I would never leave home, because I was still connected to her. When I was in my teens I left home, I didn’t feel I could be alone so I would go from one relationship to the other. I didn’t want to hear what the silence had to say to me.

When I was in my early twenty’s I realized that I had a problem with drugs and alcohol. I would drink to fit in, to loosen up and be the life of the party. Then the alcohol loosened me up enough to find the anger I had been hiding so long and deep with me. With the help of a very wonderful friend I found recovery; however, I was still so very angry. Here I was in my youth and I could never have a drink again. What ever you did it was best for you not to talk to me about God. God didn’t love me that was very clear to me. I had seen God in action and I didn’t want any part of that.

Close to the end of my first year in recovery I met a wonderful friend named Donald. He and I had entered recovery at the same time. We because fast friends. He was a southern man like me and we had a great deal in common. Donald began to be very sick and after going to the doctor he found out that he had a new disease called AIDS. All at once the anger came back in me full force. Here I had a friend who was on a like-minded journey with me and God was taking him away. What had I done that was so bad that God had this THING with me? For the next year I watched my friends health go away, yet Donald was living life more than I had ever seen anyone live it. He had a faith in God like none I had ever seen.

As Donald and I come to our second year in recovery his health was all but gone. He called me and asked that I come for a visit alone. I did. On that visit he asked that I promise him something, what I ask? This went on for some time and I finally said yes. Donald said “I want you to sing for me when I die”. I said no I can’t. He said you promised and I know you are a man of your word. He also told me that he couldn’t leave until I understood I was worth loving. He said to me I am really tired and I am ready to go home. A few days later he made his transition. I was alone. I was sitting in a church for the first time in like 6 or 7 years. Crying my eyes out. When I stopped and prayed God if you really care about me at all. You will sing for me today, so I can keep my word to my friend Donald.
When it come my time to sing, it was like something took all the tears out of my eyes. I stood up walked to the podium and open my mouth. Out comes a voice I had never heard before. Once the song was complete the tears returned. I sat in my seat with a new understanding. One, God loves me just as I am. Two Donald was willing to lay down his life for a friend to get the message.

That day is just as fresh in my memory today as it was at that moment. Over the next few years I would make many discoveries. I would remember things about my childhood that were hard to look at. I knew I wasn’t alone anymore. I realized that I didn’t know how to let anyone in, for I was so afraid they would leave. So I would cut and run before they had the chance to go. This belief I held on to for many years. I want to state that was my choice no one forced me to do that. I started going to church and making friends, yet I know today I would only allow them in so close.

In the year 2000 I was living in CA and I begin to not feel real well. I went to the doctor to see what was going on. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing or feeling. I knew what I was going to be told. The doctor said you are HIV positive Allen. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was so ashamed. I was so angry with myself. I felt alone again. The doctor suggested that I go on anti depressants and HIV medication. I took the anti depressants yet refused the HIV medication. I chose instead to live in denial. I become numb and I didn’t care. I didn’t feel anything for the first time in my life. I didn’t feel at all.

After a year and 50 pounds I realized I wanted to cry and I couldn’t I didn’t care about my health, my life or the way I looked. Then I remember Donald. I went to the doctor and said I want to come off this medication. I want to cry. It was almost a month later when I was driving down the road the tears washed over me. I didn’t feel alone any more. I was still in denial about my health status. I began to work out, eat better and take care of my physical body.

A few years later I would go to the doctor again, not feeling well. He once again asked me to go on medication. I agreed. Within a month I developed a growth on my neck. I went to the doctor and said this is why I didn’t want to go on medication. What is this? He said let’s wait a few days and see what happens. The growth got larger. He scheduled me for a biopsy.
I was on my way to a world AIDS day event when the call comes in. My doctor said I need to talk to you, can you come by. I said no, tell me what it is. He said you have cancer a very aggressive kind. We talked for about 30 minutes and set up an appointment with him to follow up. I begin to cry.
I wasn’t really sad; I was more numb than anything. Yet I felt peace.

I drove home and sit alone and asked God to talk to me. No TV, No Phone, Nothing just God and me. What do you want me to hear? What do you want me to know? I am willing to listen now. I knew for the first time in my life I wasn’t alone. I felt God with me. I felt an understanding that I could choose to be happy, sad, mad, or glad what ever I wanted. God loved me just as I was.

My pastor asked me the other day, what I want to do now. I said I didn't know yet, God was still revealing that to me. Today I know, I want to share my story. I am not ashamed, and I want everyone to know that God loves you just the way you are. Right where you are. I want to love my brother's and sister's as I love myself. I am willing to allow that love in.

I want to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!

I love you
Allen

Spring is here, what will I plant in my garden this year?

Springtime is a time of re-birth and new beginnings. Nature is blooming and life awakes after the rest of winter. I begin to think about all the fresh vegetables, fruit, flowers we would plant when I was a child knowing that come summer we would enjoy the harvest.

In thinking about all the goodness I realized when I would plant corn I knew I would have corn. Then I begin to think I didn’t plant beans expecting them to grow into corn. That is just silly. Yet often I find that I plant resentment in my lift and expect LOVE to grow.

In this time of re-birth I am reminded that in order to have love around me I need to plant love now. I need to care for it, tend it, and weed it of anything unlike love in order to harvest love. I remember that tending my garden takes time; however the blessing that come out of it are amazingly good.

Today I want to give thanks for my family, and for growing up in the country of South GA. Out of that I have learned that which I plant today, I will harvest.

Today I plant Love, Understanding, Grace, Peace, Joy, Friendship, and Forgiveness. What are you planting this year?

I love you
Allen

The Lord is my strength and my salvation tell me whom shall I fear?

Fear, is the force that leads me to worry, or be at dis ease with what is going on. I have heard that fear is false evidence appearing real.

In listening to a song that has become one of my favorites “The Lord is my strength and my salvation tell me, whom shall I fear?” I began to think about all my friends, and the wonderful things each of them is teaching me. I give thanks today for all of my friends, and the spiritual paths that they are on each one with their own spin on things. The beauty is that I understand today that God is large enough for all of us to have our own journey, and no one get to choose what is right for me expect me. The walk that I am on is so amazing when I quiet myself for a moment, and look at all the love I have around me. Each person in my life is teaching, or has taught me some lesson. In the last month I have watch friends work out things that I didn’t know how they would. I didn’t doubt their strength or desire; it’s I don’t like to see anyone that I love hurt.


I think about God in my life, and how much God loves me. Just as I don’t want to see my friends hurt I feel sure God doesn’t like to see me live in fear. I look back on what I have been afraid of over the last year, and realize when I surrender it all works out. I think fear for me is more about change, or letting go. Being out of control. Funny how the one thing I have control over (my emotions) I allowed fear to be the emotion I chose. The good news for me that in growth comes knowledge. The joy that today I don’t have to live in fear when it arises. Today I know that fear is an emotion a warring bell to let me know that I am thinking some thought that is not serving my well being. At that moment I have a choice to stay on that path, or change my thought process. Does that mean that the situation has changed? Over the last two years I can honestly say not in that moment; however with the change of my thoughts caused a change in emotion. With my change in emotion comes a feeling of well being.

Having spent most of my life living in fear of what if? Today I choose to know that God is my strength and my salvation. Fear is a choice; love and well being are choices as well. Which one serves me better personally? That is where I get to control the situation. I get to choose where I spend my time.

I love you
Allen

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin in me.

I was reading a meditation the other day and it really blessed me.
“In order for peace to be possible in the world, peace must be possible first within me”.

I chose to think about that for a couple days. Am I at peace with my family, my friends, and myself? I realized that when I got the cancer call that it was a wake up call. Mortality if you would. I found that I spent a great deal of my time not really thinking about transition. When I speak of cancer today I speak of the fact that it has been the best 2 years of my life. Why? It has helped me to stay current, up to date on my affairs. I have realized that cancer was the diagnosis, the reality was I was allowing my life to eat me alive with conflict or (dis-ease).

I am so thankful today that I had the opportunity to look at what is important. Loving myself, which in turn ripples out to the world. It is my goal in life to be an expression of Love. I think Peace works much the same way. While getting my affairs in order I realized I had to clear a path, and clean up the past. Forgiveness is such a beautiful gift to give. It is one of those one size fits all type of gifts. I had felt that gentle tug at my heart for sometime to let it go. I kept waiting for someone else to make the first move. All the while it was moving in my body. Eating away at my life.

I choose peace and love today. I know that in order for it to be present out side of me that it has to be present within me. After reading the meditation I mentioned earlier it started me thinking about the war in Iraq. I begin to think, what can I do to shift the war? Peace. That is when the song came to me. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin in me.


I love you
Allen

Where do I spend my time?

Good Morning Family;

I have had the pleasure of watching God in action for some time now. This last month has been one of those times. I had given my health care situation over to God during one of exercises on allowing God to do God’s work while I did mine. I had the opportunity this last week to really allow that to be.

I had received notice that I owed $3000.00 for last years medical insurance. I had heard all kinds of stories, from so many people. Each time I would just look to God and say this is your business, I am going to watch you work. I asked some questions of the people who had sent me this information and I received an answer yesterday. All I owe is a third of the money. All the past errors of folks handling this will be washed away and I would be current and up to date. That is a true thanks giving in my book.

I really want to talk about where I have been living. I received an email from my friend Major Deb today talking about her new address. (Thank you Deb) Each day I wake up I get to choose where I am going to live today. What I am going to say to folks who cross my path. I get to choose weather I am going to do my work, or try and do God’s. By that I mean do I choose to be the LOVE of God, or am I trying to be God? I have noticed over time that I liked to fix things. In doing that I wasn’t allowing God to show up in my life or the lives of others because I was playing God.

I know today that I am responsible for my happiness, and loving others where they are. The rest is up to God. I can hold your hand, I can listen, but the best witness I can be is to be happy. I have the honor of people asking me about my journey since choosing to be happy. This is really new. I have been in recover for over 19 years and one of the things they suggest is that you look for someone who has what you want and ask them how they got there.

I want you to understand that I am growth in progress; I know today that life shows up. When it does I get to choose. There are times when I live in an old pattern of behavior, and I find myself hurting, or at DIS EASE. When I listen to that quiet voice within, I know I can move to a new address anytime I choose. It really is up to me. Today I know the rest is up to God.

Thank you for being the face of God I get to see each day.
I love you
Allen

A Giift to Myself

Good Morning Family;

I have started some morning practices that I want to share with you. Each morning when I first wake up I say Good Morning God, and welcome to my day. I then find my way out of bed to my office,where I spend time reading the daily devotional from my church in Oakland.I then take time to write in my gratitude journal something I am grateful for. Then I quiet my mind and meditate allowing God to speak to me. I have found that often I would pray to God,then busy myself with my day's activities, and wonder why I didn't get a response? After my meditation I receive a phone call from my prayer partner who says a prayer for me, and I say one for her. It reminds me that I am surrounded by love, and connected to everyone and everything. ALWAYS!!!!

After this I go down and start my daily walk to build my strength, and today it hit me. This is the gift I give myself each day. When I lived in CA I would wake up each morning and 4:30 AM and go to the gym. I would say to everyone I knew I want to start the day with me, and if something falls off at the end of the day it will be something other than myself. I realize today I had a hint of my awareness that I have today. I cannot share anything that I don't have. I cannot give peace, if I don't have it with in me. I cannot give Love if I don't have it with in me.

I was walking this morning and I realized this is a gift I am giving myself each day. I am choosing to LOVE me. I then realized that my body is a vessel and I get to choose what it holds. So many times in my life I have chosen to hold pain, anger, fear the list can go on. Today I know that I can choose at any time what I focus on, and in doing that I am attracting more of the same. It sounds so very simple, yet it took me 45 years to learn this easy lesson.

I began to think, in each moment if I were treating my loves ones the way I am treating myself right now would they feel loved? Would they want to be in my presence? Would they want a relationship with me? I am so full of gratitude today, for I know at this moment that no matter what live shows me I have the choice in what I see. I have the choice in what I say, do, and think.

Leaning to love myself is allowing me to love another.

I love you
Allen

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

I was reading my daily devotional today, which was about forgiveness. It stated that 94% of Americans identify forgiveness as one of their central values. Yet only 48% say they have ever had a forgiving experience. That started me thinking.

Over this past year dealing with the cancers in my life, I really ask myself what is eating me? I can make this about cancer or I can look at where in my life I allow things to eat at me. What injustice was I holding onto so much that I was unwilling to let go of it? I took the time to look at my life and see those relationship that had energy around them and ask myself is this worth holding onto, or am I willing to let this go? I begin to see a pattern in my life of holding on to past hurts and taking it so personally. One of the many books I have been lead to read this year states "don't take it personally" it's not about me. So often I would take on the energy of some one else's stuff. How is that serving me? I realized that I was allowing it to eat me alive. I will state again that this is my personal journey.

Having discovered my pattern I begin a forgiveness campaign. This was for me, and about me. I wanted my life to be clean and clear of resentments, hurt, pain, and even hate. I know today that there is a season for all emotions, I found myself choosing to stand in one place with some of the things in my life. Forgiveness allowed me to move on. One of my favorite saying is "with one foot in the past, and one in the future I am totally missing the PRESENT."

I also discovered it was all about fear. Fear of being hurt, taking advantage of, you fill in the blank. I no longer wanted to live my life in fear, or hatred. The choice for me was forgiveness. I began to call folks, email folks, talk with folks and tell them I didn't care what had taken place in our lives that was unimportant. I wanted them to know that I love them and that was all that mattered to me today. I felt my heart begin to breathe, and love could once again flow freely. When I talk with people about this last year with cancer, I tell everyone it has been the best year of my life. I mean that. The relationships with my family,and friends are rich and current. I didn't want to wake up, or for that matter get to heaven and say, I wish I had done this or that. I wish I had told who ever that I loved them.

Forgiveness allowed my heart the freedom to love again. My purpose in life is to LOVE. I can't do that if I am tied to the past or the future. The greatest gift I have given myself is to be happy, and forgiveness.

This time of year causes many of us to think about what is the perfect gift for who ever. Perhaps forgiveness is the answer, one size fits all, and it is always the perfect fit.

I Love You
Allen

I am the Light

Good Morning Family

My Dominate Intent today is to LOVE.

I have been sending emails, letters, and cards over this past year talking about choice. Each day that I am given, I have a choice what I do with it. Am I living my purpose, am I loving with all of my heart? Am I Happy everywhere I go? I love looking at little children they are so full of LOVE. Everything to them is an expression of excitement, even anger. They do every activity with every bit of energy they have.

Today, I ask myself, do I do the same? Do I live each moment with all the fullness that life has given me? This last weekend I had the pleasure of doing a play shop about Loving. I learned a great deal about myself, and how I live my life. I am reminded of a quote credited to Nelson Mandela which states,

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I know today that I have been given a style all my own. I need to live that, and embrace it each day I am alive. I was reminded this weekend that so many others are set free to be themselves when I live at full LIGHT!!! Sometimes I would not wear an outfit, or say something because I was afraid of how it might be perceived. Or perhaps someone would say something that would hurt my feelings. Don't take it personally, it is not about me at all. I am the light, showing others the way. Within each of us is the light of God call it what you will, just live it.

Remember the best gift you can give anyone is to be Happy. The rest is up to them.

I love you
Allen

I love you just the way you are!!!!!

Good Morning Family

What would I want you to know if I could only tell you one thing? Love is the answer to every question you have in life. How many time has it been the most important thing that you see my way, think like I think, or do it my way? Who cares how it gets done as long as you know that I love you and you love me? Who cares if the dishes get washed tonight, I would rather spend time talking with you, and loving you. One of the best questions I am learning to ask myself is, if this were the last thing I get to do with this person what do I want it to be? Was it more important that I wash the dished, or that I spent time loving you? I chose loving you.

Every second of our day we spend making choices, and we live in a world that is so driven by things, money, possession. So often I find that I want to possess people as well. Why do I say that? How many times in my life has it been the most important thing that I was RIGHT? What is that all about? Is there only one path to anything in life? Is there only one way to the supermarket, to the mall, to church, to a loving relationship with God? Am I so busy working on you, because I would rather do that than work on me?

There is within each of us a FEELING, a connection to God and Source that leads us. I know for me today when I am not connected to that, and I don’t make that the focus of my day-to-day life I get out of balance. When I am out of balance it usually when I need to be right about something in my life. I am learning today that I know the answers that are right for me. I just have to take the time to check in and ask myself. A really good indicator that I am off track is when I am in judgment of something you are doing.

How many times has being right kept me from the Love I knew I was supposed to give? How many times would I not talk to you because I was standing in RIGHTNESS about some issue, some injustice. Who was winning here? I have the answer it is within me. If I just take the time to find out. However you arrive at it is up to you. How ever long it takes you to find what you are looking for is up to you. I know today that when I am jealous of you, or something you have that is really has nothing to do with you. It has to do with my relationship with my self and my source. You are just holding up a mirror for me to see how I am treating myself.

When I get mad with you about something it is usually very small in the big scheme of life, however it doesn’t feel that way at the time. What I really need to do is sit down with my self and get it touch with what is going on with me? I find that there is usually somewhere I am not giving to myself what I need. It is just so much easier to put the blame elsewhere. History is an important thing I feel, cause when I look back at all those times I needed to be right, wish the dishes, a month later all I really remember is I missed the time to tell you that I love you. What if that was the last thing I got to share with you? Is that what I want you to remember me for? One of the best things I have learned in living is take the time to breathe. Just stop what I am doing and take a breath in and think about if this was the last thing I ever said to you, is this how I would want to be remembered?

Some of my friends ask me why are I always talking about Love? I usually say that is my purpose here. I want to be a peace with myself, and I know that I can have fun with you and laugh with you, but when it is all said and done I want you to always know that I love you more than anything. If I am love all the time, then I ask what else can come back to me? I spent most of my life living in judgment about what you were doing so just what come back to me? If I want love I need to be love. If I want peace I need to be peace.

I love you just the way you are. Find your way to love. Who cares what anyone things about how you look doing it. At the end of the day, you know that you have loved that day. I will ask you what is more important?

Thank you, for being you. I LOVE YOU just the way you are.

Always
Allen Mosley

Celebrate

Celebrate!!!

Each day I am given is a present from God. One of the many gifts that have come out of the last year is celebrate today. I am alive, I can LOVE,and I can see what I want to see. I woke up yesterday morning and I really have cause to think about just that. Celebrating life.

I was thinking about a request I had made in a prayer that I would be debt free. After talking to a very wise friend of mine she suggested that I choose different wording. Financial freedom was her suggestion, and I love it. Thank you Trev. I begin to think about what that means to me? As many of you may know I have been out on disability for over a year now, and I had worked very hard to clean up and clear up my credit. When I found out about the "Tant so" cancer I was very fearful to say the least. Not about the illness so much, but about how I was going to live and support myself.

I had years ago filed bankruptcy, and did not want to do that again. I had forgotten my prayer for financial freedom, or was choosing at the time to look at LIFE. I remember stopping at some point when I knew that I was going to have to move from CA and just surrendered. God I don't know what is going to come from all of this, but I do know it is for my GOOD!!!

I have to be honest I had put my focus on things,lifestyle,credit,status more than loving. I see today where I was blocking my good. I had worked hard to clean up my credit, and had done a great job. Yet I had some old hospital bills that were haunting me. I wanted to be free of that, yet how could I will all the bills I was paying in CA? I am reminded of a wonderful saying Rev. E has "God is always working behind my back for my good."

I realized yesterday morning that God through the course of this year had blessed me to clean up and clear up those old bills. This had been something I had wanted for over five years. I realized yesterday morning that I had NOT celebrated it. I realized that so many times in life that I ask for something and it is given. I forget to say thank you in the form of celebration. I am alive today. Celebrate!!!!!! I am financial free today. Celebrate!!!!!! I am clean, clear, and very much ready for the next blessing that comes my way. Celebrate!!!!!!

One of my favorite passages in the bible is Malachi 3:10 which ends in see if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

Each day I am alive is such a blessing, today I want to celebrate and say Thank you.

I love you
Allen

What Could Happen?

What could happen if I Trusted the Flow?

What would my life be like if I just trusted that my steps are guided and the next thing will take care of itself? Would that free me up to Love more? Would have make it easier to serve my purpose here on earth? What would it be like if I just trusted God to take care of all the little, and big things in life? What would happen if I spent my day Loving every thing I saw?

I have been reading a great book that talks about emotions and allowing them to guide me. I have been an emotional person all of my life. When I was a child in the first grade I cried for two weeks when my mom left me at school, because I didn't understand that she wasn't going away forever. I was made fun of as a child because I cried, and like to play dress up. My Papa hugs were the best thing in the world. My Granny told the best stories and I loved spending time with older people. Loving them was easier to me for some reason. I felt like an old soul in a young body. I always knew that my emotions where mine and I needed to enjoy them all. I always love to sing I would go outside when I was a child and sing so loudly that my grand parents could hear me singing. They lived about a block away. I loved to sing for it was those times I felt peace, oneness with the world, and Love.

As a child I would talk to anyone, one of my favorite stories is my mom talked about how shy she was until I was born. I have the best mom she and I would do everything together. She made a game out of everything, making the bed, cleaning the floors, and my favorite shopping for groceries. She would put me in the cart and we would stroll up and down each lane in the store and I would speak to everyone and I do mean EVERYONE we passed. My mom would tell me not to trouble the other folks they were busy, but I wanted to know each of them. My heart reached out and most of them would reach back, and we would talk or share a laugh. We would stop at the deli counter and the butcher would always give me a piece of cheese. I think that is one of the reasons I love cheese so much today. We would load the groceries in the car and head home. I would stand in the back seat and ask Mama with each car that passed. Mama who is that? "I don't know son" Why not I would ask?

Sunday was my favorite day; I got to sing in church. From the age of two or three my mom and dad would take me to church. When the singing started I would turn around in the pew and sing to everyone behind me. Everybody called me "cotton top" back then. My hair was so blond it was white as cotton. My mom and dad always allowed me to sing my heart out. They always love to listen to me sing. When I was talking to others or singing I always felt so free. Connected one to another.

Some, where along the way I learned to quiet my voice, speak only when spoken too. Don't speak to stranger. In 2000 I found myself so depressed that I went on anti depressants. I was numb. I didn't care about anything but FOOD!!!! After a year I went to the doctor 40 pounds heavier and said I want to feel again. I had not cried one tear in a year. I worked with the doctor and come off the medication slowly. I was at work one day and on my way to pick up my mail when I felt tears on my face. That was one of the happiest days of my life. Why? I was alive. I was able to feel my feelings again. At that moment I vowed that no matter what I wanted to feel how I felt. I could choose what was right and wrong for me. If I was to feel better it was up to me, not anyone else. I cried, I cried, and I cried some more.

Each day was a step through depression into fear, which lead to anger. Blame, and resentment lead to worry and disappointment. Impatience lead to boredom, and then contentment. Optimism lead to belief and positive expectation. Happiness took hold and I began to have Passion, Love, Appreciation, Knowledge, Joy and FREEDOM. Each step was my journey into life. This last year I have been on the fast track. Today I know LIFE is going to happen. What I do with it is up to me. I can choose heaven or hell I have experienced both today. It is my choice to choose. That is FREEDOM.

This all started out with what would happen if I just trusted the flow. FREEDOM. That is what happened for me.

I love you
Allen

Harmony or hurt?

My friend Max shared a story with me that really touched my heart. It is about a Buddhist principle.

Every Life is like a calm lake surrounded by wonderful loving trees. The people in my life are like visitors to this lake. They can bring Harmony, or hurt to the lake.

Max shared more, and it started me thinking. Think before I speak. I remember when I was a young child I believe in the fourth grade. A teacher taught us the phrase "put your mind in gear before putting your mouth in motion."

I realize today that my words and deeds are energy. Each one should be used to bring harmony, peace, and Love. So many times in my effort to make something better, or "fix it." I come into others lives like a mighty Avalanche.

Is what I am saying at this moment loving you and bringing harmony? Or, am I just wanting you to see my way, and change? I am finding as I love myself more, that needing others to change in order for my happiness, isn't really happiness. Today I choose to be happy just to be happy.

A friend of mine noticed a pair of shoes I was wearing the other day, and I was so happy to tell them about the great deal I got on them. I didn't remember the name of the shop, so I was telling them what it was near. My friend knew instantly where I was talking about and stated the name. I having some other name in mind continued to give more direct, and specific directions to the location of the store. After three times of my friend saying the same name, I realized we were both at the same location we just took different routes to get there.

We both got there; who is to say one or the other is right or wrong? Is it not the lesson that we all get to our destination our on way, and at our own speed? I am so grateful today that I can hear what I am saying. Take the time to day to say Thank you, Please, Your welcome, and I LOVE YOU.

Bring Harmony to the lakes and lives you touch today.
I love you
Allen

My Gift to you

In thinking what this year has giving to me. The joy of living in the moment. Counting my blessings. Choosing what I look for. Love is always the right choice, no matter what the question is. Believe in myself. Love starts with in. Laugh everyday.

During this time of year is when we start gearing up for the holiday season. We are thinking of so many things, who is coming to visit, what am I going to prepare, looking for the best sales, what pair of shoes to wear. (SMILE)

It was this time last year when I started Medication, and within a month I was told I have cancer. I would have the first of two surgeries, and I would receive the most amazing Gift from God. Love is my purpose. Love is what I am to live each day. Love for every thing. Look for the Good in all things. The only difference between where I am, and where I want to be is CHOICE.

Choosing to be happy today starts with giving thanks, and appreciation for today. I woke up this morning. I am ALIVE. What a great gift. What am I going to do with it today. How can I best spend my time today. Today, I know the answer. The best way to spend my day is Loving. Starting with myself and allowing it to ripple out, knowing that whatever I send out always returns to me.

So, Happy Tuesday Family I LOVE YOU.
Your Brother
Allen

What is your Dominant Intention?

Good Morning God, welcome to my day. It is my dominant intention today to "be the love of God" to every thing I see, meet, pass, and experience today. It is my intention to enjoy the prosperity and abundance that I see in the color of the leafs, the grains of sand in the concrete and know that each of them is vibrating at it maximum good. They are being an example of how I too, must embrace my life.

I am working on a workshop that I want to give. One of the first things I want to ask everyone. Think about all the things that are here on the planet today, that weren't when you were born? For me, one of the first things that come to mind is the "Internet" and of course the cell phone. Yet, today I often think what we did before this was as it is today?

We dreamed of a day when it would be possible? Did we not? We THOUGHT it into being. Now think about that same question, or better yet ask someone of your parents generation and here what they have to say. I am reminded of the times my parents would say " you children today have it so easy, because".... Today I know that my parents intention was for me to have a better life that they did. Out of that intention comes love, life, dreams, and THOUGHT.

Think about electricity, today we think nothing of turning on a switch and the lights come on. We think as long as we pay the electric bill we will have electricity. Most of us have no doubt in the law of science that makes electricity work, we enjoy that science everyday. Can you just for a moment think of the many jokes each person who thought that electricity was possible might have endured. Yet there was a passion, a knowing within that it was possible. That voice with in that kept saying live your dream.

Now I ask myself, and you. Where do we spend out "THOUGHTS?"

Is it our dominant intention to "be" that which we know we were destined to be, or do we instead live in the fear of ...... you fill in the blank. Think about this every time you use your cell phone today, or every time you look up something on the internet. What is your heart asking you to do, and it that your dominant intention today?

I dream of a day where we all understand that we can each live our dreams. That means I get to focus on what I am thinking, and doing. Not trying to control what you are.

I love you
Allen