What Could Happen?

What could happen if I Trusted the Flow?

What would my life be like if I just trusted that my steps are guided and the next thing will take care of itself? Would that free me up to Love more? Would have make it easier to serve my purpose here on earth? What would it be like if I just trusted God to take care of all the little, and big things in life? What would happen if I spent my day Loving every thing I saw?

I have been reading a great book that talks about emotions and allowing them to guide me. I have been an emotional person all of my life. When I was a child in the first grade I cried for two weeks when my mom left me at school, because I didn't understand that she wasn't going away forever. I was made fun of as a child because I cried, and like to play dress up. My Papa hugs were the best thing in the world. My Granny told the best stories and I loved spending time with older people. Loving them was easier to me for some reason. I felt like an old soul in a young body. I always knew that my emotions where mine and I needed to enjoy them all. I always love to sing I would go outside when I was a child and sing so loudly that my grand parents could hear me singing. They lived about a block away. I loved to sing for it was those times I felt peace, oneness with the world, and Love.

As a child I would talk to anyone, one of my favorite stories is my mom talked about how shy she was until I was born. I have the best mom she and I would do everything together. She made a game out of everything, making the bed, cleaning the floors, and my favorite shopping for groceries. She would put me in the cart and we would stroll up and down each lane in the store and I would speak to everyone and I do mean EVERYONE we passed. My mom would tell me not to trouble the other folks they were busy, but I wanted to know each of them. My heart reached out and most of them would reach back, and we would talk or share a laugh. We would stop at the deli counter and the butcher would always give me a piece of cheese. I think that is one of the reasons I love cheese so much today. We would load the groceries in the car and head home. I would stand in the back seat and ask Mama with each car that passed. Mama who is that? "I don't know son" Why not I would ask?

Sunday was my favorite day; I got to sing in church. From the age of two or three my mom and dad would take me to church. When the singing started I would turn around in the pew and sing to everyone behind me. Everybody called me "cotton top" back then. My hair was so blond it was white as cotton. My mom and dad always allowed me to sing my heart out. They always love to listen to me sing. When I was talking to others or singing I always felt so free. Connected one to another.

Some, where along the way I learned to quiet my voice, speak only when spoken too. Don't speak to stranger. In 2000 I found myself so depressed that I went on anti depressants. I was numb. I didn't care about anything but FOOD!!!! After a year I went to the doctor 40 pounds heavier and said I want to feel again. I had not cried one tear in a year. I worked with the doctor and come off the medication slowly. I was at work one day and on my way to pick up my mail when I felt tears on my face. That was one of the happiest days of my life. Why? I was alive. I was able to feel my feelings again. At that moment I vowed that no matter what I wanted to feel how I felt. I could choose what was right and wrong for me. If I was to feel better it was up to me, not anyone else. I cried, I cried, and I cried some more.

Each day was a step through depression into fear, which lead to anger. Blame, and resentment lead to worry and disappointment. Impatience lead to boredom, and then contentment. Optimism lead to belief and positive expectation. Happiness took hold and I began to have Passion, Love, Appreciation, Knowledge, Joy and FREEDOM. Each step was my journey into life. This last year I have been on the fast track. Today I know LIFE is going to happen. What I do with it is up to me. I can choose heaven or hell I have experienced both today. It is my choice to choose. That is FREEDOM.

This all started out with what would happen if I just trusted the flow. FREEDOM. That is what happened for me.

I love you
Allen

Harmony or hurt?

My friend Max shared a story with me that really touched my heart. It is about a Buddhist principle.

Every Life is like a calm lake surrounded by wonderful loving trees. The people in my life are like visitors to this lake. They can bring Harmony, or hurt to the lake.

Max shared more, and it started me thinking. Think before I speak. I remember when I was a young child I believe in the fourth grade. A teacher taught us the phrase "put your mind in gear before putting your mouth in motion."

I realize today that my words and deeds are energy. Each one should be used to bring harmony, peace, and Love. So many times in my effort to make something better, or "fix it." I come into others lives like a mighty Avalanche.

Is what I am saying at this moment loving you and bringing harmony? Or, am I just wanting you to see my way, and change? I am finding as I love myself more, that needing others to change in order for my happiness, isn't really happiness. Today I choose to be happy just to be happy.

A friend of mine noticed a pair of shoes I was wearing the other day, and I was so happy to tell them about the great deal I got on them. I didn't remember the name of the shop, so I was telling them what it was near. My friend knew instantly where I was talking about and stated the name. I having some other name in mind continued to give more direct, and specific directions to the location of the store. After three times of my friend saying the same name, I realized we were both at the same location we just took different routes to get there.

We both got there; who is to say one or the other is right or wrong? Is it not the lesson that we all get to our destination our on way, and at our own speed? I am so grateful today that I can hear what I am saying. Take the time to day to say Thank you, Please, Your welcome, and I LOVE YOU.

Bring Harmony to the lakes and lives you touch today.
I love you
Allen

My Gift to you

In thinking what this year has giving to me. The joy of living in the moment. Counting my blessings. Choosing what I look for. Love is always the right choice, no matter what the question is. Believe in myself. Love starts with in. Laugh everyday.

During this time of year is when we start gearing up for the holiday season. We are thinking of so many things, who is coming to visit, what am I going to prepare, looking for the best sales, what pair of shoes to wear. (SMILE)

It was this time last year when I started Medication, and within a month I was told I have cancer. I would have the first of two surgeries, and I would receive the most amazing Gift from God. Love is my purpose. Love is what I am to live each day. Love for every thing. Look for the Good in all things. The only difference between where I am, and where I want to be is CHOICE.

Choosing to be happy today starts with giving thanks, and appreciation for today. I woke up this morning. I am ALIVE. What a great gift. What am I going to do with it today. How can I best spend my time today. Today, I know the answer. The best way to spend my day is Loving. Starting with myself and allowing it to ripple out, knowing that whatever I send out always returns to me.

So, Happy Tuesday Family I LOVE YOU.
Your Brother
Allen

What is your Dominant Intention?

Good Morning God, welcome to my day. It is my dominant intention today to "be the love of God" to every thing I see, meet, pass, and experience today. It is my intention to enjoy the prosperity and abundance that I see in the color of the leafs, the grains of sand in the concrete and know that each of them is vibrating at it maximum good. They are being an example of how I too, must embrace my life.

I am working on a workshop that I want to give. One of the first things I want to ask everyone. Think about all the things that are here on the planet today, that weren't when you were born? For me, one of the first things that come to mind is the "Internet" and of course the cell phone. Yet, today I often think what we did before this was as it is today?

We dreamed of a day when it would be possible? Did we not? We THOUGHT it into being. Now think about that same question, or better yet ask someone of your parents generation and here what they have to say. I am reminded of the times my parents would say " you children today have it so easy, because".... Today I know that my parents intention was for me to have a better life that they did. Out of that intention comes love, life, dreams, and THOUGHT.

Think about electricity, today we think nothing of turning on a switch and the lights come on. We think as long as we pay the electric bill we will have electricity. Most of us have no doubt in the law of science that makes electricity work, we enjoy that science everyday. Can you just for a moment think of the many jokes each person who thought that electricity was possible might have endured. Yet there was a passion, a knowing within that it was possible. That voice with in that kept saying live your dream.

Now I ask myself, and you. Where do we spend out "THOUGHTS?"

Is it our dominant intention to "be" that which we know we were destined to be, or do we instead live in the fear of ...... you fill in the blank. Think about this every time you use your cell phone today, or every time you look up something on the internet. What is your heart asking you to do, and it that your dominant intention today?

I dream of a day where we all understand that we can each live our dreams. That means I get to focus on what I am thinking, and doing. Not trying to control what you are.

I love you
Allen

Don't miss the Blessing

Today' s reading has ignited a huge spark in me.

It is as if a small child went to a wise parent and asked," Parent, may I have this good think I desire?" The parents only answer would be, "Yes, you may have it,-here it is."

But supposed the child replied, "my hands are too full to take it now, --put it by for me."

Am I missing the blessing that I have asked for? How many times in my life have I prayed God please take this from me, only to hold on to the thing that much tighter? How many times have I laid it, on the altar only to pick it up again before I go? How many times have I chosen to take the burden rather than the blessing?

The reading goes on to say the circumstances which make us unhappy are so very small, but when held up in front of the eyes blots out the sun.

I am learning this new technique that is really changing my life, when I choose to really put it into action. I have been a planner all of my life. As long as I can remember I had a plan. So for me I love "to do list." Through out the years I have added so many things on my "to do list" that I found it to be overwhelming.

The new practice goes like this. On a piece of paper draw a line down the center of the paper. On the left side write down the things you are actually going to do today. Write only those things you know that you will be able to accomplish. At the top of the list write "things I will do today." On the right side of the paper at the top write "things I want God, or the universe to accomplish." Then load it up with all those things you have wanted to get around too, but haven't. As well as the things you don't see how you can. Those things you may feel are out of reach for you. This is the good part. You then take the paper tear it in half and take only your part, your actual "to do" list. The rest you leave for God to handle.

Some months ago I was concerned about health care. I had received a call from my old employer that stated that my insurance was going to Cobra. I had heard horror stories about what it cost on cobra. I was consumed in fear. I was holding it up in front of my eyes asking what am I going to do about this. I was making a choice. I was choosing fear. I had read in a book about this process and said God I want to change my focus. I got out a piece of paper and wrote down my "to do" list for the day and then the things I wanted God to do. When finished I said a pray and tore the paper in half and began to achieve my half of the list. I really let go of the things I had left with God. I actually threw God's list away. Within hours I received the letter from Cobra and I had insurance and it was only $80.00 more each month than I had been paying. Very easily within my budget.

I am not sure what else I put on the list that day. I do know this. God is on it. My heart lifted that day, and when I feel my list is not within reach, I take out my piece of paper and write down the things I know I can do that day, and then the rest I give to God.

Try it out; see what God will do for you.

Today I remember that I am the only face of God that some folks will see today. What am I showing them?

I love you
Allen

Good Morning Family

Here I am at 4:53 in the morning writing with great Joy in my heart. Why? Because I can. It is a choice. I chose to make a difference today. To who you may ask? The World. I choose today to listen to that voice with in me saying LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.

I woke up this morning hearing, what are you worried about? What am I giving my energy too? Since I was 12 or 13 years old I have been working HARD!!! For what? I had a plan you see. I have been a planner all my life. Work hard all your life build the nest egg,then retire and enjoy it. What about today? I spent all, or most of my time thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be the day when my ship comes in. Tomorrow I will appreciate all the hard work I put in yesterday. What about today? Did I tell my friends, and family that I love them. Did I speak to the person God told me too. Did I give my spare change to the person in need, or was I do busy with my PLAN? Did I listen to the young child asking me a question, or telling me their story, or was I to busy with my plan. TODAY is all I have, what am I doing with it.

You know when I share with folks that I have been diagonalized with Cancer not one type but two, so many feel sad or sorry for me. DON'T I am learning to LIVE in today. I am learning to tell everyone that I love them TODAY. I am learning that the best laid plans sometimes fail. TRUST, LIVE, LOVE. I don't want to suggest that any of you go out and run your credit cards up, or that you live in a way that is our side of your current situation. What I am asking is, are you getting the most out of your current situation? Are you looking for the blessings?

I realize today that all that time I thought I was living, I was missing so many things. Now I don't want to live in the past either, so don't start focusing on that. Have you looked at a tree today? Today I look for BEAUTY, LOVE, PEACE, JOY, HARMONY in everything. I know that every tree has energy and it talking to me. Can I hear it or am I too busy with my plan to listen? This time of year in the North West the trees are changing color, moving in the wind, leaves are dropping, and I realized. This tree is me, the only difference is it is going with the flow. This tree is not worried about what I think about it. It is not worried about will I have enough food to eat, it knows that it is perfect, whole, and complete. It knows that it will product and ABUNDANCE of harvest again soon. I had my plan to live in California the rest of my life. Here I am in Seattle learning from the trees. Go with the flow. Look for the Beauty in each day. When I find myself starting to focus on something in my life that causes me sadness, fear, or despair, I look around me to see where is abundance in my life. I don't have to go far to find it. Today I know it is my CHOICE.

I woke up this morning thinking about GREATNESS. My Greatness. Every time I share LOVE today I am showing my GREATNESS. For at that moment I am sharing God in me, as me. How dare I play SMALL. SHINE, SHINE, SHINE. Go with the Flow.

I love you
Allen

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

Personal Journal 10/15/07

I know that the real I (God and I) is greater than any experience which may come to me.

Spending time in the morning with God reading the words from the Science of Mind, and the daily quotes from Abraham. Is such a blessing to me. The sentence above is from the Science of mind today. I love it.

It sorta puts in words what I have been living this last year. As I continue on this journey it is so good to know that my steps are orders, and divinely guided. I feel that each of us knows the way. There are times I just choose to listen to something or someone else. I know I often seek the council of a trusted friend, my parents, or mentor. Today I know that the answer I need is with in me. How many times has that still voice with in told you to do something, or say something. I find that when I listen to that still voice which I know as God. That voice, feeling, has never lead me wrong. To be honest when I listen to that still voice I find my journey is pleasant, safe, and secure.

I was listening to a minister yesterday and she put it very well. When I trust more in the "Plan" than the Source eventually the plan will not work, for life is always changing. What works today may very well not work tomorrow. When asked "what should I do" I think the best thing I could say to anyone is listen to your heart.

I used to spend hours in prayer, asking God to fix this or work this out. Don't get me wrong prayer is WONDERFUL and I thank God for all the prayers that have gone up on my behalf. I have learned today that it is important to give God time to respond. Meditate. Quiet my mind and breathe. I find that so much of my day is spend with my mind racing from one thought to the next that is it important to stop, listen, breathe.

In those times I hear that still voice saying "Peace be still".

Then is when I know that the real "I" is greater than any experience which may come to me.

Love
Allen

10/14/07 Personal Journal

Growth.

I have been reading books from the teaching of Abraham by Ester and Jerry Hicks. There are so many things that I have learned doing some of the practices they share in the books. One of the greatest is “The book for Positive Aspect”. When I wake up each morning one of the first things I say is Good morning God and welcome to my day. It is my intention today to be the love of God. It is my intention to feel the love of God in every person I see and meet today. It is my intention to see the abundance and prosperity at every segment of my life experience today.

I love reading today, that is growth in and of its self. I am a great reader as well. I am learning that how I see myself, how I love myself is the way I allow others to love me. So if I feel I am not getting the love I want, the best to start is by asking myself what do I love about myself? What are my positive aspects? I am learning that no one can give me happiness. That is my job. Others can share with me, but it is up to me to let it in.

Growing up in the south was such a great blessing. Hearing the stories that it is better to give than receive. We all have our stories, and today I know that we all hear what we choose too. I know today that I heard it was selfish to receive. Today I know that there is great joy in both giving and receiving. Balance. Just rightness.

One of the reading today states that the best thing I can do for anyone I love is to be happy. And the very worst thing that I could do for anyone that I love is to be unhappy, and then ask them to try to change it, when there is nothing that anybody else can do that will make me happy. I love that. How many times in my life have I said, if this or that would change I would be happy? Why not just be happy?

When I heard the doctor tell me that I had cancer “Tant SO” I remember feeling fear and then the voice within me. That voice we all have that tells us when what we are doing is serving us in our growth or tearing us down. Said why not choose to laugh about it? As my friend Paris always shares “A merry heart does good like medicine” Proverbs 17:22

Each day I am alive every step I take is a choice. I can choose to stay in bed pull the covers over my head and hide, or I can engage in love, live, and happiness. I can choose to continue to hold anger, fear, hurt, past hurt, or I can choose to love today starting with me. One of the things I have learned in recovery is that if you want to change how I see someone in my life pray for them for 30 days. Pray for their good, their blessing, and their highest good. Watch what happens.

In 30 days your life will not be the same. It reminds me that each day I have a choice in everything I see. If I take it personally that is just how it will show up for me. If I look for something to be angry about I will find it. However if I choose to look for something to LOVE, something beautiful, something abundant I will find that too.

Today I choose LOVE!

Book of Positive Aspects

I have started a book of Positive Aspects. The way you play the game is you write down a person, place of thing that you appreciate. The goal is not to think just allow and write what comes to mind right away.

I wanted to share more about the book and how it works. It is really a journal that I made myself. You can do it on the computer but it has so much more meaning to you, when you write it out by hand. On the outside of the journal you write the words "MY BOOK OF POSITIVE ASPECTS". On the first day you write in the journal you spend at least 20 minutes writing about a person, place, thing that you love. There are three questions that you ask about the subject you have written down in the book for that time period.

What do I like about you?

Why do I love you so much?

What are your positive aspects?

On the first day I did this, I wrote about 4 different people in my life. One twist I added to this process is sharing what I wrote, with the person I wrote it about. I just want to add if you ever want to change your mood, or what is going on in your day. Open the book and start writing. It is amazing. One big thing to remember only Positive Aspects. Not things you would like to change only things you see now. Watch it change your life.

Thank you to my Sue B

Thank you to my wonderful friend Sue B who lovingly filled in the blanks in my letters to my family and friends. If any of you have things you feel I need to add please free to to comment here on the site and I will get your email and respond.

Thank you again and I love you ALL!!
Allen

September The Kidney Surgery

9/4/07

Hello Family

I will go into the hospital tomorrow at 9:45 AM and the procedure will start around 11:00 AM. It will take about 4 to 4.5 hours. I have asked my friend to send you a message when I am in recovery. So look for that in the evening tomorrow.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and LOVE!!!!!

I am at peace and I feel the LOVE of GOD all around and in me.

I LOVE YOU

Your brother

Allen

9/17/07

Good Morning Family;

What a great day to LOVE!!!

I enjoyed my meditation this morning which is such a healing time. I encourage each of your to find time to be still, quiet, and listen. I used to think that I had to be perfect at it. Today I just enjoy the time.

I was reading this morning and one of the things that really touched my heart I wanted to share with you.

How do I grow? What happens to those around me that are on a different path? How do I love you right were you are? How can I best be of service to you on your journey?

The reading goes on to say this.

We can start by releasing all useless energies, habits, relationships, and perceptions that have contributed to the "small" versions of ourselves. We can announce an end to our dramas and sagas, and proclaim our readiness to live the story etched in our hearts.

When this journey started for me I only knew one thing, and that was God was with me always. I feel so blessed to have this year to reflect, grow, live and LOVE. My purpose is to LOVE. Thank you, to each and every one of you for your part in my God journey. Thank you for allowing me to grow at my own speed, for loving me, and allowing me to live out loud in front of you. Thank you for giving me space to find my way, one step at a time knowing that I was being divinely guided. Thank you for holding me in perfect health. Thank you for being YOU.

I stand with you today knowing there is with in each of us, enough strength to climb the mountains in our lives. Enough Faith to soar to heights we only dreamed about. With in each of us is the key to what we want most in life. LOVE.

I LOVE You

Allen

August Meeting the Urology Team

8/3/07

Hello Family

I met with my Urology Team yesterday. God is so good all the time!!!!! When I met the first doctor I was distracted by the fact that he was a very handsome person. I love God's humor and way of reminding me that I can choose to look at life anyway I choose.

The meeting went wonderfully, The mass on my kidney has grown and they are 95% sure it is Cancer, the good news is they are going to try and save the Kidney. They will go in clamp off the kidney do an ultra sound to make sure they have all the growth. If need be they will remove the entire kidney. The goal is to save as much as they can. Praise God.

I will go in for Surgery on the 5th of September this way I will be able to celebrate my Birthday before I have surgery. Once again God working all things out. The MRI and the 4 panel Cat Scan showed the mass on my liver to be a small growth that they will also look at and remove if they think necessary.

I just want to speak about the divine order of my steps. I really didn't understand why I needed to leave CA and go to NC as I loved my home in CA so very much. I know today that my divine destiny was for me to meet doctor Orlawski who would tell me about the mass on my kidney and liver. I know today that I needed time to rest and heal. I needed time alone with God to feel the oneness that I have and I am with God. All of my steps are divinely guided. I feel that more today that ever before.

Meeting with the team of doctors that I have now is just so amazing and I feel the presence of God and see it in each and everyone of them. I want you all to know that your prayers, your thoughts, your love, your support has been a lifeline to me. I see today that each step we take is divinely guided. I urge each of you if you have something in your life that is unresolved with anyone surrender it and ask God to divinely lead you and it will happen. I give thanks for the chance to tell each and everyone of you how much I love you, how grateful I am for the mirror each of you hold for me. I give thanks for the breath, and the knowledge of everyone who is working on my behalf.

Keep holding me in perfect light as I am there. I love you all and can't wait to see you.

All my love

Allen

8/30/07

Hello Family

As I started my day yesterday I set out and INTENT to see what I wanted to see. I wanted to see the love of God. I wanted to see the calmness of God. I wanted to see my health in the hands of God. That my friends is just what I encountered. God is everywhere I look.

I met with the Anesthesia Clinic yesterday and it was a blessed day. You know I know today that what I look for is what I see. I met with the most amazing RN who walked me through each step of this next week. She checked my blood pressure, it was perfect. She checked my pulse rate, and it was steady and in the normal range. She did and EKG and it was very normal.

Here is the information that I received in our meeting.

The procedure will last around 4 hours.

I will find out on Tuesday the 4th what time to be at the hospital on the 5th. (Most likely very early around 5:30 for a 7:30 surgery.)

I will be in the hospital around 2 days

I will have a private room once I have come out of surgery.

I can have visitors.

Nothing to eat or drink after midnight on Tuesday.

The best part of all.

I was assured several times that I was in the right place and I was being cared for by the best group of care givers. That my health and well being was of the most importance to each and everyone of them.

Here is the information on the Hospital again

University of Washington

Medical Center

UW Medicine

I love you all very much. Please hold me in perfect health and love. I know God will do the rest.

Your brother

Allen

July Welcome to Seattle

7/7/7

Hello Family;

It has been some time since I updated y'all so I wanted to keep you up to date on the blessing in my life. As most of you know the Lymphoma is in remission and from the latest scan a few weeks back that is still current. The last few rounds of Chemotherapy were pretty hard on my body, and it wiped out my white blood cells for a couple week. This gave me a great deal of time to reflect on all the goodness of God and that when life comes at us we have a choice. I will be honest that there were a couple of days where I would have welcomed a large BUS for relief.

Praise God that part is behind me. I also had the chance to spend some time with my Family and you all know how much my Mama loves to cook. Any weight that I lost during the E-coli infection was put back on with Mom's TLC. It was so great to see my family and spend some time with them. Being out in the middle of the COUNTRY with no cell phone and 4 Channels on the TV I was able to get some Much needed rest. You know being divinely guided is a great thing isn't it?

After my visit with my folks I had a follow up visit with my Lymphoma doctor which I mentioned earlier. He gave me the great news about being in remission from the Lymphoma. He also had some things we had to talk about. During the scan they found a lump on my kidney and one on my liver. The one on my Kidney is Renal Carcinoma. The best news is the treatment for this is to remove it. The lumps are small and can be removed however they will have to take extra tissue to make sure they get all of it. So I will be having surgery in late August for that. This will give me time to strengthen my body for that part of the journey. God is soooooo good.

Packing up and leaving the bay area was one of the hardest things I have done in a while, however the care I received in NC was amazing. Thank God for doctor Orlawski who found the lump on my kidney and liver and would not leave it alone. The doctor in CA had never mentioned it though it has shown up on all the scans I had in the past. The time in NC gave me a chance to do some soul searching and asking for divine guidance.

That guidance has lead me to Seattle, WA where I will be having the surgery at the Cancer Treatment Center. I have a awesome support system here as well, as I lived here in 98 before I moved to the bay area. My wonderful friend Richard has been so wonderful housing me, finding me a new place to live and taking care of me. I am one BLESSED MAN!!!

I will be seeing one of the best Cancer specialist in the country at the Cancer Treatment Center and they will work with the doctors to remove the Cancer in late August. This will add more time to my recovery time. I am just praising God that they found it and can remove it all in divine timing. Please keep me in your prayer and love as I know you always do. Here is my new address as of Monday July 9th.

Allen Mosley

7/31/07

Hello Family;

I wanted to take some time to share a couple of things with you. One of the many blessings in my life is that the lymphoma is still in remission and my new oncologist is a wonderful man. On my last scan in NC my oncologist there (also very wonderful) had the displeasure of telling me the lump on my kidney was still there. My doctors in CA had thought it to be part of the lymphoma. It was not. They have done more scans and this last week I had MRI's done for 5.5 hours.

Many of you know that I have CHOSEN to hate MRI's and the process. This last week was a true test of my faith and my choice in life. I had many prayers going up for me. I felt them all, thank you. One very wise and special friend reminded me that each click of the MRI was the love of God. Thank you for that Lisa. I was able to make a choice to see the MRI in another light. The first 2 hours I was feet first in the MRI chamber of LOVE. I was able to turn my head out and see these 2 wonderful trees. I had to hold my breath as they took scans and each time I did I would look at these trees and they would be swaying in the breeze. I felt peace in knowing that the breath of God was breathing life into them and into me at the same time.

The next day I had to go in Head first. This time for 2.5 hours. Once again I looked for my trees and was able to focus on the breath of God. I was able to feel Choice, up close and personal and know that there is NOTHING that I can not do with the help of God. I can Choose to see God in all things. From chemotherapy to MRI chambers of Love. It is all God, and all Good.

I received a call from my oncologist last night and the mass on my kidney looks like renal carcinoma which is a type of cancer. Everybody BREATHE!!! The good news is that it can be removed and that is the end of the cancer. I meet with the Urologist this week and with the oncologist on Monday. They are also going to be doing a 4 panel cat scan to look at a spot on my liver. I will be having surgery the end of August or the first of September to remove the growth. I will know more about what all this entails later this next week.

I have my new home in Seattle ready to go and if you need movers I have the best here in Seattle. Thanks to my support team here Richard, Chez and others. I have been able to get it all ready for this next step of the journey. I am choosing PEACE, LOVE, JOY, and WHOLENESS. God is so good.

Please know that I love you all and think of you all the time. I will keep you posted as I know more. I have one request please. When you think of me please CHOOSE to think of me in perfect HEALTH. For that is just where I am. Perfect WHOLE and complete.

With love and gratitude

Your brother and friend

Allen Mosley

June New Tumor

In looking back at my journal and letters to my family and friends I found that I didn't communicate that much. I was staying with Ernest in NC had completed my chemotherapy. I remember hiding a good deal.

I went and spent 9 days with my Birth family, my mom didn't stop cooking the entire time I was there. I was able to spend some time with my brother's and sister's family. I was able to visit with my Roxy. Such a beautiful spirit and friend.

Once I got back to NC the chemotherapy had wiped out all my white blood cells and I was very sick. I had and E coli infection, and the doctor told me not to visit with anyone for 2 weeks. Thank God Ernest did a great deal of travel during that time. In the middle of all of this I knew that God was working it all out.

I remember being weak and tired. I felt like my feet weighed two tons.

Once the two weeks passed I had a visit with my oncologist doctor Orlowski the most amazing man. He has the best bed side manor. Best smile and a great hand shake I love that. I had just had my cat scan, and pet scan a couple day before. I remember sitting in the chair in the exam room with the door open and seeing doctor Orlowski walk pass the room. The look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. I sat there and tears begin running down my face.

In a few minutes, which seemed like days doctor Orlowski come in and to talk with me. He stated the good news is that the Lymphoma is still in remission. That is GREAT!!!! The not so good news is the mass on your kidney is still there. From the radiologist report it looks like renal carcinoma. This was the last thing I wanted to hear. I had my cry and let it out, then said ok what is next?

You will need to have a MRI and see a renal cancer doctor. I have to be honest I didn't hear much after the MRI. I HATE those things. I am not a small man and I get claustrophobic in that process.

Doctor Orlowski recommended an oncologist in WA and off I go.

April Journal in North Carolina at UNC

4/4/07

Hello my wonderful Family

I wanted to take some time today to let you know that I made it to NC. I had lots of support from friends who took me to the airport and made sure I was picked up as well. Thank you Antonio, Michael, Bob, Ernest, and Jim. I know that this visit is going to bring about much healing on a physical level as well as a spiritual one. The visit with my parents over the last 3 weeks was one of the greatest times of my life. I would take this journey over again just to know them as I do today. Talk about your blessing and LOVE. I am so very happy that so many of you had the pleasure to meet them and they had the pleasure to meet you. My Mom and Dad talked about how much you all blessed their hearts and the love they felt not only at the party but from the East Bay Church as well.

I am so thankful as I have the time to rest here and Thank God for all the goodness in my life. I am so excited to write to you and let you know that the Doctor in CA gave me some great news last week. The Scan of my Lymph nodes showed up normal, with no signs of CANCER!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! I will be meeting with a new team of specialist here in NC next week and will follow up with you on the remainder of my treatments. Just so you all know GOD always says YES!!! Thank you for holding my perfect health with me along this journey. Thank you for holding my hand, and all the wonderful hugs. Those were and are the best. I can't wait see the pictures from the party and put them in the book you all signed. I am so very loved and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO letting it in. Praise God.

I was talking with some of my friends and telling them, I have known that I have always been loved. It is really wonderful to allow that love in. I really do understand the song we sing in choir I let the love wash over me. I let, I let it be. One of the most healing parts of this journey is letting go, and letting God do all the work and holding my BEST. Knowing that God only says YES, YES, YES.

Please email me and let me know how I can best support you. Just know this you are all right here with me each and everyday as I am with you. There is no space and time in GOD. I am so blessed for knowing each of you and thank you for standing there until I could let you in. I think you for your strength and support.

Your brother and loving friend

Allen

4/25/07

Family;

Wanted to tell you all Hello and I love you. I have been in NC for a couple weeks now and had my Chemotherapy on Monday. The Love Juice flows in my vanes with the love of God there as well. I have been resting a great deal since I have been here. I think due to fatigue, missing my friends, East Bay, California my body needed some rest. I am taking the time to honor that and listen to Spirit speak to me. I am finding that when I am still and quiet I can hear spirit speaking so much easier. I had a great visit with the Oncology here and he is running some more test I will know more soon but it all looks great. He spent over and hour talking to me about everything and I really thank God for that. He told me what to expect over the next few month and to remember to take it easy and ONE DAY AT A TIME. Funny how those words keep coming up over and over again.

I feel you in my heart, my love and my healing and I thank you all for being my family. More soon.

Your brother and friend

Allen

March Journal Parents here to Pack me Up

3/7/07

Hello Family;

Wow, at all the things that God is showing me right now in my life. As you all know my journey with cancer has been this great blessing in my life, for that is my CHOICE in how I see it. Last week Paul was here helping me with the Chemotherapy treatment, getting the packing started and helping me with the Jetta that I am ready and willing to let go of. ASKING for help, talk about a lesson from God. Opportunity for GROWTH is the word of the day. I want to take a moment and thank all of you, for loving me in this process. Asking Paul to come and help me was a real change for me, thank you for stepping up and being a light of love in my life. I love you Paul.

East Bay Choir and Church thank you for allowing me the space to grow and share. Letting you in and sharing the change for GOOD and GOD in my life has been, and is so amazing. This last week has been an emotional week as I get ready for my parents visit next week. Adding up all the bills I owe, knowing that God has a plan for me to pay them, and out of all of this is a blessing greater than I can believe. I am as Rev. E would put it "TRYING GOD AND SEE" Watch for updates as I continue my journey in FAITH.

This visit to NC is the first of many ways my faith gets the chance to show up. Finding out yesterday that the state disability will start on March 1. PRAISE GOD!!!! Time to spend with my parents and love them, and allow them to love and help me. Getting to know my Dad and feel his love for me is worth every drop of change that is happening right now.

Talk about relationship's if ever in my life I know that I share LOVE it is at this very moment. Ask me how I know. That which we give out comes back and YOU ALL are amazing. I see the God in each of you and yes, I see GOD in myself as well. NOW that is GROWTH!!!!

Next week is Chemotherapy # 4, test to make sure my heart is not being damaged by the chemotherapy, and pet scan to see how the lymph nodes look. I PRAISE GOD for all of that LOVE and the LOVE I feel from each of you. Thank you for I know today we are one, and we are the LOVE OF GOD.

Your Friend and Brother

Allen

3/17/07

Hello my family;

I wanted to write this morning and say I LOVE YOU ALL. It is so amazing watching God work. My parents arrived this last Wednesday, and I had Chemotherapy on Thursday. The doctor wanted to check my heart to make sure the chemotherapy was not damaging it in any way. As my friend Sharon would say it's time to get your praise on, so lift your hands up. NO DAMAGE at all. This next Wednesday I go for my pet scan. This is where they are looking for any growths in my lymph glands. I know that God has that worked out as well.

It is so wonderful having my folks here with me. The love of my family of Choice and my birth family has truly been the face, arms, legs, and grace of God for me through out this journey I am on. I have so many thank you to send out from Michael and Antonio for picking up my parents and making sure I get to the appointments on time this last week. For all of you that have been sending emails, phone messages, and Lori for coming for a visit from Redding. Thank you.

Asking for help, and then letting the help in has been an opportunity for growth in my life. I can say today with the grace of God that I am learning that lesson and asking for help. Thank you for all of those who keep pushing me to let you in to help. I was reading the science of mind lesson for the day today and this passage really touch my heart and I wanted to share it with you.

It states.

"I have discovered the most useful tools for managing on the edge are surrender, faith and love: Surrender into the unknown and infinite possibility, have faith knowing that something magnificent is unfolding for your highest good to be revealed, allow the experience of love from within and without to buoy you and lift you beyond recognition--you have everything you need within you. Living on the edge is a wonderful gift."

This passage remind me that each day I choose to live life to the fullest I am saying thank you to God for the GREATEST Gift, my life. When I live in the future or the past I am choosing to overlook the wonderful gift of today.

Thank you my family (My wonderful Gift from God)

I love you

Allen

I had to send this out it is great.

Love you

Allen

3/23/07

Hello my wonderful family;

I think all of you know I have been spending the last month packing up with the help of my parents and friends. I wanted to talk to you about all the wonderful things that have been showing up for me. When I moved from the East Coast in 98, I moved with a few dishes (you know how I love my calphlon), and my art work. One of the things I realized as I have watch the boxes filled is just how abundant I am. One of the things you learn in early recovery is to remember where you come from but, For the grace of God there go I.

When I first heard about the cancer my only thought was what to do next? I knew in my heart that God has and had this all worked out it was up to me just to watch it all come together. When I heard about my pay coming to and end, again I just knew that God had it all worked out. In the past when life happened I was so angry one of the things I was sharing with my Mom today is I asked God this last year to be Debt free. I am knowing that I am on that journey right now. The how is not up to me it is just for me to know that it is real.

The other day as I packed a box I realized how many times have I asked for an adventure in my life. Something fun, something exciting? Here I stand in the middle of it and I just want to say Thank you. Rather than being angry about it I want to say thank you, for the grace to move on. The sight to see GREAT things in this. Please hear me when I say there have been days I cried more that not. Inside of me is this strength that keep saying "I will lift up my eyes to the hills from which cometh my help." I stand here with the knowledge that God has opened the windows of heaven and is pouring me a blessing at this moment. Thank you God.

How exciting it is for me to know that my path is divinely guided. I am so very excited to see all of you next weekend at the love and blessing party. I am excited about my trip to NC to spend time with God and my friends there. I am excited to see where God places my feet next. I am excited to talk with anyone and everyone about the goodness I know of God. I am excited to be alive, something for so long I took for granted. Each breath I breathe is a gift from God and I thank God for the present.

My heart is full with love, joy and excitement today. Thank you all for allowing me to share this journey with each of you. I love you with all my heart.

Your brother and friend

Allen Mosley

3/24/07

Hello All

I just wanted to let you all know that my Dad and I sold the VW Jetta Yesterday. PRAISE GOD.

I am so happy that is behind me. I am on my way to Financial Freedom with the help of GOD.

Our God is Good all the time

Love you

Allen

Thank you Lisa

2/9/07

Thank you Lisa;

Love the way you express your love for me, and others on this journey.

Love you

Allen

February Journal

2/1/07

Hello Family;

I am just home from Chemotherapy, and I am full of gratitude. God, shows up everywhere I look. Today was a great day my friend David drove me in to the city this morning. Thank you David. My blood count continues to show up as God in PERFECT order no flags as they say. They are very impressed, and I keep telling them it is the only way it can show up.

The LOVE JUICE needle went in with the first try and I started the infusion around 10:00 AM and finished up around 3:00 PM. Thank you Lisa for bringing me home and blessing me with your company. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends-family in my life.

I will see you all at Church on Sunday the 10:00 AM service for sure. Off to get some rest now, and enjoy the healing flow of GOD in my veins.

Thank you for your treatments and PRAYER, I love them and I LOVE YOU!!!!

Your brother and friend

Allen


February 08 2007 (Personal Journal)

I woke up this morning with knowing that with growth comes change. Getting the news about my benefits was a day in which I chose to live in fear. Today I know that I don’t have to it is choice. Before me are several options right now and I am not even there yet. God is busy working behind my back as Rev E would say and busy looking at yesterday’s news.

I have an expectation for Good and Very Good so that is what much show up if I am looking for it. And I am.
Being that I have this expectancy can anything stay the same? Or does change have to happen. I have been asking for a home, a place to call my own, that means I have to move from here. If this is happening soon that means that my home can only be that much closer. Try God and see. I talk about faith in my emails is that what everyone is seeing our fear? It is all a choice.

This is a change to pay off my debt, clean up my life and prepare for a better day ahead. Just as when I go to Church I get to clean up, put on my best for God. That is what I am doing in my life. Cleaning up for God. What is my best friend getting to see each day Faith or Fear? Not because I am hiding either, I don’t want to hide any more I choose LIFE. With life comes Change and movement. Thank you God for the happiness this morning, for movement in my bones and in my life. Only Good can go from me and return to me. I want to send out and email today.

2/9/07

Good Morning my Family;

I come to you with a JOYFUL heart this morning, why because I choose too. I see choice in God and I know that only Good can come to me and from me. This week getting the news about the end of my full pay at work which will bring with it change. As does every event, today I know that I make choice so easily most of the time. It is when I step into fear that I choose not to move and have my being. Today I can tell you the only thing I see differently than over the last few days is Choice.

The love I have and do receive is amazing, the love of my parents is far greater than I have ever felt it. The journey that I am currently on with my Dad is worth every step of this process. Talk about friendship, the friends that are taking time off work to come out and spend time with me. The endless phone calls, singing, laughter, joy and LOVE that I feel washing over me is wonderful and I thank you all for every bit of it.

The HUGS, that have always been there, I get to feel them now. This is my journey today, to be alive, to be free to have choice and love it. I feel clean in my life right now and I feel God clearing out any thing else that doesn't look like Good one step at a time. Does that mean I want choose to look at this with fear again, I don't know the answer to that? What I do know is that I have the Love of my family to support me, love me, hold me, and show me another way.

I want each and every person who reads this today, tomorrow, next week, or whenever to feel the LOVE of God going from me to you and back again. A Circle, perfect in what I send out is just what I get back. One of my favorite saying is just pour LOVE on it, like you do when you have pancakes and syrup on Saturday morning, and you get to the end of the pancakes and the joy of syrup is still there.

Thank each and every one of you for all the Love and support I feel. I am grateful today for this journey with God, and YOU!!!

Always

Allen


(A email from my friend Lisa)

Greetings Choir!!

In honor of our beloved Allen, I am raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society as a participant in their Team In Training and I'm asking you to help by making a contribution. Each donation helps accelerate cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma and brings hope to the patients and families who are on the front lines of the battle against these diseases.

Please use the link in this email to donate online quickly and securely. You will receive a confirmation by email of your donation and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation.

We know this is in God's hands and it is already complete!!!

You can learn more about my efforts and make a donation by visiting the following Web site:

http://www.active.com/donate/tntgsf/withGodshelp

February 23/07 (Personal Journal)

I choose Love. It is 2:00 AM and I am awake and feel the need to journal. Yesterday when Paul and I got home from chemotherapy there were several cards from my Mom, and Dad's church. Some of them have giving me money which is such a blessing and I am so grateful for. The greatest gift I have been given in this journey is my Dad.

I have always known that my Dad loves me no matter what has happened. I have chosen pain at times, finding out that when I chose pain it shows up. You know I would never choose to have cancer... but; if it had to happen i am so very happy for the wonderful treasures it has given me. My faith in God, my willingness to let others in, and the love of my Dad in a way I have dreamed of all my life.

Thank you God for this journey where I get to choose what I take from it. I can choose to look at the pain, the discomfort, being sick most of the time to a point I don't want to get out of bed. If I do that will show up. Because that is where my focus would be, however, if I choose Love Peace, blessings then that is what shows up.

God thank you for the cancer, I bless it, and release it. Thank you for the journey in letting others love me. Having Paul, Richard, Ernest, Wayne, my parents, and countless friends from around the world show me love in so many ways. Thank you.

Here I am God send me.
Allen

cancer publication

Feb/2007


In thinking of what I might say about my journey that would bless others, and in some way help someone else on his or hers own journey. The first thought that comes to mind is knowing that only Good can come to me. I know today that no matter how life may appear that only good can come from each situation. I know that may sound a bit odd, but I hope by the end of this story you will have a clearer understanding of these statements.

In January of 2000 my journey begins when I heard the Dr. say to me Allen, you are HIV positive. I must be honest as much as I would like to deny it; I was not surprised at the news. Stating that it didn’t make the news any easier to hear. One of the first thoughts that went though my mind was Oh my God I am going to die. Then slowly reality kicked in as I have the honor of knowing people who have been on this journey before me. Since they are here to tell their story, it is only logical that I will have the chance to tell mind.


After the advice of my Doctor of the many new strides that are being made in the way of medical breakthroughs, and studies that show early medical treatment would ensure a longer life span. I had to make a decision that was right for me. With regular blood work, the fact that my T Cells where high and my Viral Load remained stable I made a Choice to go into Psychotherapy and not go on HIV medication. Key word in that sentence is CHOICE. I want to drive home to LISTEN to your heart. As a result of psychotherapy I was able to step through my fear and tell my friends and family about my HIV status. In that process there were those who chose to walk away, however today I know that had nothing to do with me. Should friends chose to walk away don’t take it personal everyone has their journey in grief. Out of my sharing my status with others it opened the door for others to talk to me about their journey and let me know of the hope that I had giving them and the freedom to share with someone else. I would never wish anyone this process, however I am very happy that my journey has helped make someone else’s easier.


One of the main reason's I did not want to go on medication was fear. Fear of side effects, quality of life, and to be honest having to admit to myself that I really had HIV and Aids. One of the ways I combated this was to change the way I lived my life. I began to work out 3 to 5 days a week and monitored that which I took into my body. I also began to seek out other forms of treatment, herb, accupuncher, and other natural medicine. I continued to seek the advice and monitor my blood work with my medical Doctor as well. In August 2006, I began to feel very tired and had a lack of energy. I didn’t really understand this as I was working out 5 days a week and was taking great care of myself. What was going on and why was I feeling so tired? After going to the Dr. with flu like symptoms and fatigue month after month, we checked my blood work again, and we found that my liver panel was elevated. Once again I was at the place where I had a make a decision that was best for me. Was it time to start the medicine and overcome my fears? I called my two greatest friends and ask them what they thought. The both advised me to go on medicine so in November 2006 I started taking the drug Atripla.

Everyone has their own journey when starting medication and mine was no different than others, I had nausea, dizziness, some wild dreams and more fatigue. I was very discouraged as the month went on as my Doctor had told me within a month I should feel like my old self again. I decided that a trip would do me well, so off I go to visit one of my dearest friends and while there I noticed a growth in my neck. OK now what? Once I was back home I made an appointment with my Dr. and he felt it was the lymph nodes reacting to the medicine and it would go down in a couple months and all would be well. I DIDN’T AGREE!!!! The swelling in my neck was increasing and the pain was more intense each day. My Doctor and I decide I needed more test. A CAT scan of my neck revealed several very enlarged lymph nodes. I was then referred to the Ear, Nose, and throat specialist. He told me he was 95% sure that this was not CANCER but a cist. He wanted to perform a needle biopsy to make sure and then he could drain the cist and all would be well. I was scheduled for a needle biopsy, while there I had a strange feeling... the same feeling I had when I was told I was HIV positive.

Two days later I get a call from my Dr. asking me to come in for a talk. I was told that I had Lymphoma and I needed to see an oncologist immediately. This was the last thing I wanted to hear, more test more needles and more blood work what next? After the needle biopsy the oncologist needed a tissue sample, which meant I had to be scheduled for surgery, not just any surgery one that could leave me with total facial paralysis. Me, not being able to talk, sing, or communicate with others, to tell you there was no fear would be a lie. I did however have total faith in my Surgeon and his staff. Surgery, PET scans and more needles than I thought we had in the USA was my next month of treatment.. Here is the GREAT NEWS, in all of this I knew this wasn’t the thing that was going to take me out. I knew God had more in store for me. I made up my mind that day I was and am going to live through this, NO MATTER WHAT!! Having this attitude has been, and is the best medicine yet. Every time I've had any blood drawn I looked for the face of God and God's goodness. Every time I go for Chemotherapy I call it God’s LOVE JUICE. I visualize the IV Fluid flowing in my veins as the love of God coming into to my life to heal and bless me. Every scan, every procedure I have I look for the good in it.... And goodness has to shows up every time. This is the attitude I have chosen to keep with me the rest of my life. If you take only one thing from my journey I hope it is that I CHOOSE TO SEE GOOD IN EVERYTHING!!!!!! I believe if you choose this as well it will show up for you. Thank you for taking the time to read my journey of Good.

Allen Mosley

January 25 Letter to Mama about my Hair Loss

1/25/07
Good Morning Mama;

Here is all my Hair that I shaved off my body. I remember that Sonja told me she did the same thing, as she wanted to be the one to decide when she lost her hair as well. I know some folks may think me a bit crazy for wanting a pillow out of it. That is ok too, it has served me well for 44 years and I want a loving reminder of this JOURNEY that God and I are taking for YEARS to come.

I really do thank God for the out come and I want to be able to look at this pillow and know that GOD can and does bring me through anything. I don’t really care how big it is, I will ask that you make it out of the Red and Black fabric that I included in the package.

I bought this fabric about a Year ago cause I loved it so much it is from Africa I believe, wasn’t sure why I bought it, Now I know. God is always on the job no matter what. You can make it any shape you like, I think I am sending more than enough fabric but if you need more let me know.

Thank you so much for doing this for me, it means the world to me. I love you very much, and I know that God’s love is so much greater still.

Your Loving Son

First Chemotherapy Session

January 10-24, 2007

1/10/07 (Email to Family)
Hello Wonderful Family;

Allen here, wanted to take some time to tell you, I love you and thank you for all your prayers and treatments over the last while. I feel the love and support in my very BONES.

Yesterday was one GREAT day, I had a colon check up yesterday before I start the Chemotherapy today, and a HUGH PRAISE all is clear and no need to check again for 5 years. This is great news. I can honestly say that the prep work was the hardest part of the process.

I have been blessed over the last few months to have Angels with me in the Flesh watching over me. This week it is in the form of MY ERNEST. Last night he made me Salmon Patties, Cheese Grits and Shrimp for Dinner. NOT to mention the BEST home made CHEESE Cake a man could hope to have.

Thank you for the HOME cooked meal and Your presents. I love you!!!!

Those of you who know me, know that I can at time be a bit Particular about things. Not to mention my journey with letting love in. I am reminded of the song the Mass Choir sings We let the LOVE wash over us, We let, We let it be. I feel the love of God with each and every person in my life. I feel that ONENESS that we so often talk about, and I wanted to say a BIG HUGH THANK YOU to all my ANGELS.

From the trips to the Dr. Office, Surgery, Meals, HUGS, Prayer, Treatments, VISITS from out of town friends, and over all LOVE. This is a blessed experience. Thank you God for the Joy of Choice and how I choose to look at Life.

Today is Chemotherapy day, my choice for the day is to allow the love of GOD in!! I get to receive the Love of God from each Technician that touches me, Every Drop of Chemotherapy that enters my body. The Joy of have my family with me today, some in Spirit, some in FLESH, and ALL in PRAYER.

I love each and every one of you, and I know who you are. I Thank God for you! And so it is.

Your Brother, and Friend

Allen

1/11/07 (Family Email)
Good morning my wonderful family;

I am so very blessed, Ernest and I met a great many faces of GOD yesterday. The best part is we both felt the love from everyone and everywhere. We starting in the Billing office and that when really well. Then the woman who checks my Blood Count each week is a Total HOOT. I love her Spirit.

Then off to see Dr. Knopf, who went over what all was going to happen yesterday and answer any questions that I or Ernest had. Then off for the Infusion of Chemotherapy.

On Sunday while at church, I felt spirit speak to me and tell me that as I am taking the Chemotherapy I am to look at it and say "I allow the Healing Love of God in." That is just what I did all day yesterday. The Nurses and staff were very please with my Infusion. We started at 10:30 and I finished last night at 5:00, we had more God stuff to pick up from the Pharmacy. Ernest and I were home by 6:30.

I was able to eat a turkey sandwich yesterday and one of the staff had made COOKIES, you know how I hate those. So I had one Cookie as well. Last night I was able to have another sandwich then off to bed to rest.

I wanted to write all of you today and tell you that I felt every DROP of LOVE that you sent yesterday going into my veins. I know that GOD sent each and every one of you into my life, and I am so grateful. I am happy to be sitting up and able to write this email this morning. GOD IS A GOOD GOD ALL THE TIME!!!!!!

I am off to get some rest but wanted each of you to know How much I love you and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Love your Brother and Friend

Allen

1/12/07 (Personal Journal)
I thought I would check in to talk about the last week of events. Ernest got here on Sunday of last week and it is so good to have him here. I have felt so safe knowing he is here to go to Chemotherapy with me. Sunday when he got here we went shopping and he bought me this really cool suit. I wanted him to have a ring of mine like I did with Richard. These two are the most amazing friends a man can hope to have.

On Monday, I had to do the prep for the colon check which showed that I was in great shape there and no need for another check up for 5 years. Thank God. The prep work was the worst part of the process. Mark came by to see me as well. It was so good to see him. I am one blessed man when it comes to friends. Over the last year I have really looked at the love and friendship I have in my life. Thank you God for all the great friends that bring such joy, and love into my life.

Tuesday was the Colon day and then Ernest, Shawn and I had Dinner together, which was really great. We had grits, Shrimp and Salmon patties. They were GREAT. Thank you Ern.

Wednesday got up and had a big breakfast before heading off to the Dr. for Chemotherapy. First day was a bit full and I really do recommend doing it all in one day.
Blood Draw first to check my blood count.
Meeting with Dr. Knopf.
Then Chemotherapy time, it took seven hours to load all the medicine in. God gave me this mantra to keep saying. I allow the love of God in. I kept looking at the bag of I V fluid and saying that over and over again. It really helps.
After the Chemotherapy was all done we had to go and pick up my medicine from the pharmacy. I was a bit tired by this point and was a bit irrigated. We got it done and got home and had a good meal.

I have been taking my Anti Nashua medicine and doing well. I feel a bit queasy from time to time but they say to stay ahead of the game. I would agree.

Ern, and I went out today and I have to be honest it was a bit too much. I had a great time but it really wore me out QUICK. Rest is the key and getting lots of liquids.

That is about it for today.

1/14/07 (Family Email)
Hello Family;

I wanted to let you know this week is a blessed week, ask me how I know? I have had friends visit from NC, AR and right here in Oakland. Many of you may know by now that I started Chemotherapy this last week. The first session was a blessing from the moment that I got there. God laid on my heart that I was just to look at this as the LOVE of God flowing in my veins. That is just what I have been doing as well. With the help of the Anti nausea medicine I have been able to eat this week. I will tell you that things taste differently and I am giving thanks for that as well.

For those of you have known me for some time know that one of my favorite saying now is JUST POUR LOVE ON IT. Well, I can tell you I have been the one to have the love poured on me. From the Care at the treatment center, to the love from the many emails, food, well wishes, cards, phone calls. I can go on and on. You know, I never really have any doubt that I am LOVED, I can tell you however how wonderful it feels to feel it and see it in action.

I was able to sing on Saturday, man that felt good. I was able to go to church This morning. I got up with the blessing of knowing that God is blessing me and I wanted to go and worship and thank God for the goodness in my life. So I got up and put on my new suit and off to church I went, and might I just say God was ready for me. The music was perfect, the Message was OFF THE HOOK!!! To come home on top of all of that with food to eat for the week, thank you FRIENDS. One of the things that God lays on my heart all the time, when lets say I don't feel 100%. What am I going to do about that? I have a closet full of the abundance of God and I need to get up and put on some Happy Clothes. So here is the living proof of Happy Clothes. Enjoy and know that each of you are loved and blessed not only from me, but the love of God as well.

I love you always Allen

1/24/07

Greeting Earth Angels;

Yesterday I had a visit with the Oncologist, they check my blood to make sure I am good for the next round of Chemo. If they need to adjust me they have shots they can give to boost, lower, etc.

I am Happy in being able to say that my Blood work was GREAT, noting needed. The Dr. was very happy about this as well. We talked about the next month of treatment and how life could change with food and energy. I am knowing that God has this as well. I bless it, LOVE IT, and send it on it's way.

Here is the Schedule for the next week. Friday I see a Dermatologist to have some skin tags removed and to check to make sure my skin it nice and healthy.

Tuesday I see my Dentist and have some Dental work done. Make sure the Fluoride I am using turning the Chemo is working.

Thursday I am off to Chemo # 2. I found out yesterday that I will have treatments through the end of April and then have another Pet Scan to make sure the Cancer is getting smaller and the Chemo is working. From the looks of my neck the Dr. feels and I do as well that it is working already. Got to love the LOVE JUICE from GOD!!!!

Well, Angels I will check in with you next week after Chemo to let you know how WONDERFUL I am doing, until then know you are LOVED, surrounded with LIGHT, and BLESSED!!!

Your Friend

Allen

1/24/07

Hello Family;

Well, I was reminded yesterday that I have a Choice in my Hair Lost, WHEN. So I chose yesterday and today to feel myself of all hair with the exception of my Beard. I am going to keep that about another week or so and then off it comes as well.

Through out this process I have found it healing for me to take pictures of the process. So here are the hairless ones.

I love you All

New Year Eve

December 31, 2006 (Personal Journal)

Good Morning God.

The last couple days I have been in a place that I thought were sadness. I couldn’t quiet put my finger on it. I feel so blessed and happy. I have been really thinking a great deal about my friendships. The not knowing what was going on with one of my friends,was weighing heavy on my mind. Not so much their actions, but instead asking where does this show up in my life.

I was really hurt that my friend took themselves away from me, but when I thought about the fact that I too have done this. I begin to focus more on their needs than mine. This was not an easy task. I am grateful today all the same. Thank you for the growth. Last night when I was on the way to the choir party, I took the time to call my friend and tell them that I loved them.

I don’t understand why I chose to feel separation when I know that in God there is NONE. When I stepped into that realization the hurt vanished. I could just love my friend no matter how it looked right now. I also realized it was FEAR. Fear that I thought I couldn’t count on them. Fear of being alone and in need, once again I felt the hand of God and know that I am NEVER alone.

I have been clearing out my closet and home of things that no longer serve me. I am so abundant. Thank you God. Thank you for the reading in the living the Science of Mind. What great life lessons are there for the living.

Allen

12/31/06 Email to my family

I rejoice at the wonder of life’s adventure. Regardless of outer circumstances I know there is an inner reality that exudes peace, love, and understanding.

Hello Family;

I read the Science of Mind reading for the day and this affirmation really touched me. For it put in words how I am feeling in my life at this moment. The last couple day's I have spent thanking God for the Abundance in my life in the form of YOU!!! Perfect Love, Perfect Faith, and Perfect Prayer. Last evening the Men's choir sang at the Kwanzaa Celebration at the Church. It was so beautiful, I love when I get to see the Oneness that is. I am reminded often that I look at the outside first and then look with in. I think this the very human side of my existence. It is times like last evening when I stand with my brothers that I see only LOVE, LIGHT and ONENESS. God, thank you for letting me be a part of this group and the Mass Choir as well.

It was so good to see all of you at the Choir Party last evening. Thank you Monroe for your Hospitality, and for sharing your home with us. It, and you are beautiful. I don't know about the rest of you, but sitting around with a group of friends, sharing love is the greatest gift. I so enjoyed myself last night. I tell you all of this to remind myself to focus on LOVE, the gift of giving it ,and receiving it in return. To remember that no matter what it may look like at the time, it is ALWAYS present and in Perfect ORDER.

I encourage each of you at this time of year when you want to release, change, start fresh, one of the best places to start is at home. I spent this last week, looking at the THINGS in my life and asking "DO YOU SERVE ME, NOW?" If the answer is NO then it is time for me to release it. I bless it and gift it forward. Do this and watch what happens. It is amazing.

Thank you all for allowing me to LIVE my LIFE with you ONE day at a time. Thank you for Loving me NO matter what. Thank you for the GIFT of YOU and the JOY of knowing Each of you.

Your Brother, Friend

Allen Mosley

Christmas Day - 28 Meeting with Oncologist

December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas God and Happy Birthday Jesus.

What a great day to be alive. Thank you for getting me up this morning and having use of my body and joints. Thank you for Richard and his visit, and just letting him be here with me. It is great God.

I got up and called Lori to sing her Happy B day. I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have the same birthday as Jesus? We talked for about an hour. That was nice. Ernest called me always there and always so loyal. I love you Ernest .

Called my Mom and Dad so good to hear their voices as well. God I am such a blessed man, I still have my parents and they are still together. What a testament to you.

Waiting for Richard to get up so we can talk about what we are going to do today. Thank you for being here my friend. I love you.

What a great day to be alive.

Thank you God.

12/28/06

Good Morning Family;

The Oncology day finally arrived and all the test are in. Drum Roll Please!!

Lymphoma is the answer that we all knew, however the great news it looks like it is a mixture of Large and small cell. From what Dr. Knopf stated yesterday he feels that Chemotherapy with be able to take care of totally. The best news of the day is that the bone marrow biopsy came back showing NO SIGNS of cancer at all. That is a major PRAISE GOD!!!

I wanted to share a God Moment with YA'LL. As you all know I had Surgery last week on Wednesday, I love you Dr. Rust. It was a total success, and the incision looks amazing. I was in the Dr. office on Friday for a check up and to have the drain tube removed, he stated that he didn't want me to start Chemotherapy for at least 2 weeks. I said OK. I was then able to go home rest thanks to all the wonderful TLC of my friends. I got up Sunday morning and sang in 2 services at the EBCRS, then came home and rested once more. This is all less than 7 days from the surgery. Not that all of this doesn't show God working, here is how God shows up right on time.

As I mention The Oncologist met with me yesterday and told me that I would have to be on Chemotherapy, it would be a very strong dose, but every 3 weeks. He wanted me to start TODAY, I then told him that Dr. Rust wanted me to wait a couple weeks. We finally agreed to start on the 2nd of January. Due to the level of patience on Chemotherapy the first opening is January 10th. I know that the hand of God is divinely guiding me with every breath that I take, I love it when I am aware enough to see it. The first available time is exactly 3 weeks from the Surgery the exact amount of time the Sergeant told me I needed to wait before starting Chemotherapy. I love you GOD, and I love Divine Order.

I will be taking a total of 6 drugs some pills some Liquid, for those in the Medical field here you go.

1) Rituxan

2) Cyroxan

3) Oncovun

4) Dioxonbicin

5) Prednisone

6) Neulasta

Number 1 through 5 are called a Chop- R I don't have a clue why but they are. And the first session will take about 6-8 hours to load in my system. The last Drug is to help with my white blood cells and my immune system. I will also continue the Drug Atripla as well. I will be going this next week to have a Colon check up to make sure my colon is in Great condition.

After 3 sessions of Chemotherapy I will have another CT Scan and check the progress.

Well, my friends that brings us all up to date. I want to tell you all how much I feel the love of every person in my life. Every bit of this reminds me each day to LOVE and LIVE. Please don't wait until tomorrow to tell those that you love, that you love them. Do it today.

Family, I want each of you to know and hear I LOVE YOU!! I will continue to tell each of you every time I see you because I want to keep the Main thing the MAIN THANG!!

Thank you for your support and love.

Allen.