What Could Happen?

What could happen if I Trusted the Flow?

What would my life be like if I just trusted that my steps are guided and the next thing will take care of itself? Would that free me up to Love more? Would have make it easier to serve my purpose here on earth? What would it be like if I just trusted God to take care of all the little, and big things in life? What would happen if I spent my day Loving every thing I saw?

I have been reading a great book that talks about emotions and allowing them to guide me. I have been an emotional person all of my life. When I was a child in the first grade I cried for two weeks when my mom left me at school, because I didn't understand that she wasn't going away forever. I was made fun of as a child because I cried, and like to play dress up. My Papa hugs were the best thing in the world. My Granny told the best stories and I loved spending time with older people. Loving them was easier to me for some reason. I felt like an old soul in a young body. I always knew that my emotions where mine and I needed to enjoy them all. I always love to sing I would go outside when I was a child and sing so loudly that my grand parents could hear me singing. They lived about a block away. I loved to sing for it was those times I felt peace, oneness with the world, and Love.

As a child I would talk to anyone, one of my favorite stories is my mom talked about how shy she was until I was born. I have the best mom she and I would do everything together. She made a game out of everything, making the bed, cleaning the floors, and my favorite shopping for groceries. She would put me in the cart and we would stroll up and down each lane in the store and I would speak to everyone and I do mean EVERYONE we passed. My mom would tell me not to trouble the other folks they were busy, but I wanted to know each of them. My heart reached out and most of them would reach back, and we would talk or share a laugh. We would stop at the deli counter and the butcher would always give me a piece of cheese. I think that is one of the reasons I love cheese so much today. We would load the groceries in the car and head home. I would stand in the back seat and ask Mama with each car that passed. Mama who is that? "I don't know son" Why not I would ask?

Sunday was my favorite day; I got to sing in church. From the age of two or three my mom and dad would take me to church. When the singing started I would turn around in the pew and sing to everyone behind me. Everybody called me "cotton top" back then. My hair was so blond it was white as cotton. My mom and dad always allowed me to sing my heart out. They always love to listen to me sing. When I was talking to others or singing I always felt so free. Connected one to another.

Some, where along the way I learned to quiet my voice, speak only when spoken too. Don't speak to stranger. In 2000 I found myself so depressed that I went on anti depressants. I was numb. I didn't care about anything but FOOD!!!! After a year I went to the doctor 40 pounds heavier and said I want to feel again. I had not cried one tear in a year. I worked with the doctor and come off the medication slowly. I was at work one day and on my way to pick up my mail when I felt tears on my face. That was one of the happiest days of my life. Why? I was alive. I was able to feel my feelings again. At that moment I vowed that no matter what I wanted to feel how I felt. I could choose what was right and wrong for me. If I was to feel better it was up to me, not anyone else. I cried, I cried, and I cried some more.

Each day was a step through depression into fear, which lead to anger. Blame, and resentment lead to worry and disappointment. Impatience lead to boredom, and then contentment. Optimism lead to belief and positive expectation. Happiness took hold and I began to have Passion, Love, Appreciation, Knowledge, Joy and FREEDOM. Each step was my journey into life. This last year I have been on the fast track. Today I know LIFE is going to happen. What I do with it is up to me. I can choose heaven or hell I have experienced both today. It is my choice to choose. That is FREEDOM.

This all started out with what would happen if I just trusted the flow. FREEDOM. That is what happened for me.

I love you
Allen